re_alignment_logs | standing on stone you stand beside me

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standing on stone you stand beside me

WHO: Kagerou + Open
WHERE: A mountain in Alpha Trion's Sector
WHEN: Evening-Late night. Week of 6/3
WHAT: Keeping vigil for those who left. At least, that's what he says he's doing.
WARNINGS: Feelings.

He's listened to her last message more times than he can count. Of course, they'd said their goodbyes in person, but, she'd left it for him, all the same, knowing he would need it. Knowing he needed such a reassurance. It's good to hear her voice, but, as always, when the recording ends, he feels the empty ache take over again, and turns his attention to the horizon once more.

Power Joe's stupid golf clubs are in his room now. Along with the trinkets and pieces of life Kay left behind her. He's proud of them. Proud of her. And hopeful. They're not lost. They're doing what must be done -- making their own choices.

They promised they would be all right. He made sure they promised him that.

So he has to remain. He has to stay here, or else what will they have to come back to? He would be a poor friend, a poor parent, not to stand here, stand guard... and wait for them.

Maybe there's a better place to do it. But he can't think of one. He's standing alone, somewhere high and wild, where the wind blows lonely through the panes of his wings, over the rocky heights around him. It's the place he can best see. Where he'd seen her off... The place he'd held Kay in his hands for the last time. Wished her luck -- wished her to stay brave and strong -- wished for her to come back as soon as she could.

"It's okay, Kagerou..."

His thoughts are a mess. He wants to be strong. To be brave -- for their sakes. He wants to make them proud when they return. And he believes they will. He knows they will.

But the knowledge does nothing to fill the ache in his AI. The way his hands feel empty. How he knows tomorrow, when he goes to check in on the police headquarters, there won't be any bright, amused voice calling out to him, using that stupid nickname. How when he finally returns to his room... it's going to be too quiet. There won't be any quiet footsteps in the night.

He folds his arms over his chest, bowing his head.

"I'll come home. That's a promise."

He wants to be prouder than he is. He wants to be braver than he is. But all he can do is stand here, bowed against the wind, and cling to the memories he's always held so dear.

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He didn't move his hand, or start getting more touchy, thankfully for Gunmax. He just wanted that little bit of contact. That link with someone real. Something besides a memory. A reassurance, a grounding force -- simple touch.

His expression clouded, though.

"I know that," he said, very quietly. "I know they're not lost... they weren't taken by the forces here..."

And really, that's the only thing keeping him sane. He knew he didn't fail them as he had others. As he had Gunmax once before.

"... But it's not helping like it should."

"That's not really unusual though."

Gunmax planted his hands on the ground behind him and leaned back. Might as well get comfortable, seemed like he was going to be up here for a while.

"Even if you know why they left and that they'll be okay, just the fact that they're not here, it. Y'know. It sucks. You're still gonna miss 'em no matter what. It's okay to be upset about it. Hell, it's normal."

And here it went again. Getting a lecture from Gunmax. Though... maybe lecture was the wrong word for it. Advice? A talk? He didn't know.

He did know that it was familiar. It was welcome, in a way. One thing that refused to change. His fingers splayed out over the other's leg, absently. Looking at the contrast of dark fingers on pale plating.

"Sucks." He shakes his head. "It fits. And feels inadequate. Doesn't it?" A pause, and he looked up, his expression as direct as he could make it, while trying to stay calm. "You are upset too... aren't you?"

"Totally inadequate."

Well hell, he hadn't come up here to talk about himself (if you didn't count the bitching earlier, that is). He glanced at Kagerou, optics going wide behind his visor for a second as he thought over the question.

"Nah. What? No."

And then he paused again and actually for real thought about it, huffing out an exasperated sigh. "...Actually, yeah. Pretty upset. Guess I haven't been handling it too well, either."

He stared at him, his expression never wavering, just waiting for the response. Even when it came, he kept staring, silently. It was probably creepy. But... he'd gotten to know the other BP.

That answer was likely as much a mask as his expression so often was.

... He was right.

Only then did he lower his gaze, shaking his head a little slowly. "None of us are," he admitted. "Even though it should be easier... knowing they aren't lost. That they'll come back."

But it's just as hard.

Yeah wow Creepyrou what's with the staring. Gunmax chalked it up to Kagerou seeing right through his bullshit first response and didn't comment on it. What he did do was reach up and plant a hand on top of Kagerou's head. It was meant as a comforting gesture, not that Gunmax was any professional when it came to that sort of thing.

"Never been good at this kinda thing, personally. Never gets easier. But it kinda helps to know that I don't have to deal with it alone, even though I'm kind of stupid about it and avoid people most of the time. You don't have to deal with it alone either, y'know?"

It... worked. To a degree. He ended up staring again, though the expression was a little more wide-eyed. A little more surprised than it was while he waited for an answer. His wings drooped -- flattening to his back instead of fluttering out nervously behind him as they had been.

"I..."

Not alone. That was true, wasn't it? He didn't have to do this on his own. They were all hurting. And though it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been...

There wasn't a warning. The hand on his head was like an invitation, or a breaking dam. He rocked forward, arms suddenly and abruptly slinging themselves around the smaller BP unit and holding on. There was no sense of self-consciousness, no hesitation. He just hugged Gunmax as if he were suddenly afraid not doing so would mean losing the loudmouth bot.

It was safe to say that Gunmax hadn't been expecting that at all and would have completely lost his balance had it not been for the big dumb robot arms that had suddenly flung themselves around him.

Holy fuck what the hell. He almost opened his mouth to bitch about the sudden invasion of his personal space, but literally bit his tongue to keep from throwing a stupid temper tantrum. It was just a hug, it wasn't the end of the world. After a few seconds he actually managed to relax, and after a few more seconds, he huffed out a defeated little sigh and hugged back. After, y'know, scanning the area for Shadowmaru because he didn't feel like getting stabbed by a possessive ninja today.

After even more seconds, he plunked his forehead onto Kagerou's shoulder, since it really didn't look like he was going to be wiggling his way out of this any time soon.

"Dork."

Edited 2014-06-05 00:59 (UTC)

It was just a hug. But it was a hug that was very... very grounding. Even the huff and the little bit of a struggle was, in a weird way, reassuring. Gunmax was just as real and present as the rocks under his feet. Just as loud and obnoxious as the memories.

He needed that. That reminder. That reassurance. Because Kay had promised they would go home together. They would always be together. And now she was off on her own -- now he had to worry she was going to stay beyond his reach. And...

His face planted itself against Gunmax's shoulder in return, trying to make his cooling vents calm down. Make himself calm down.

"Buttfuck," he mumbled.

And then, as an afterthought, he added: "Thank you."

"...I have no idea what just happened. But you're welcome?"

Seriously Kagerou you just called him a BUTTFUCK while hugging him like a big dumb baby. And okay maybe Gunmax didn't mind the hug. Maybe it was actually kind of nice and a better alternative to hitting the bar (because he was a mature adult) like he had been every night since Power Joe skipped town. Maybe he'd even start rubbing Kagerou's back a little because the poor guy was shit at handling this stuff.

"...M'not a buttfuck."

"A hug."

Yes, he was answering as if it were a perfectly normal thing -- explaining what just happened here. He didn't know if he was really supposed to answer, but the words came out anyway. The words came out... and his grip tightened a fraction, feeling the hand on his back.

It was a lot better than being up here all alone. Than... going home alone.

"I know. I... just felt like I had to say it."

Well no shit it was a hug, Gunmax had worked that much out on his own.

Barely.

"You just felt like you had to call me a buttfuck. I. You know what. I. I can't argue with that."

He couldn't. There was nothing to argue against. And hell, if calling him stupid names was helping somehow, Kagerou could call him whatever he wanted. Whatever. He'd just continue rubbing Kagerou's back, however long he needed it. Hey look Gunmax could be thoughtful.

"You can. If you want to."

Because they could both use some comfort right now. For someone so standoffish to strangers, Kagerou became incredibly tactile-oriented, to those who were close to him. Now was no exception. As if he could hold onto more than mere memories, simply through touch.

Through clinging tighter.

... except. He shifted a little. Enough to where the scanner's red optic could focus on the side of Gunmax's face.

"Please be careful of my wings," he said, quietly. "They're sensitive."

Edited 2014-06-05 03:37 (UTC)

Gunmax instantly took his hands off Kagerou completely. Shit. Who the hell designs a robot with sensitive wings? Did he do something wrong?

"Sensitive!? Sorry! I didn't do anything, did I? Is Shadowmaru hiding in the bushes? Is he going to come out and stab me? I didn't do anything, Shadowmaru!"

Maturity.

And while Gunmax reacted as if he'd been touching something superheated and private... Kagerou just holds onto him, his face planted firmly in the bikerbot's shoulder. He seemed to take the freakout in stride --

-- then again, he'd dealt with Shadowmaru's diva tendencies his entire life, so. Maybe it wasn't too surprising.

"He's not here now," he said, tone placating. "You did nothing. Calm down."

Wow this guy really fucking likes hugs. Or he just didn't care that Gunmax was a noisy asshole. Still, the biker does, in fact, calm down, letting his head plunk back onto Kagerou's shoulder, wrapping his slender arms around him, being super careful not to go anywhere near his wings.

Well okay, this wasn't so bad.

"My bad."

More the latter. Because Gunmax being a noisy asshole was... weirdly reassuring. This whole hug-and-yelling thing was. Because it was normal. It was how tings should be. He'd... have to figure out a way to repay him.

"We can stop. If you like."

Because if it were up to him, he'd stay like this a while.

"I'm good for now. Ain't hurtin' anything, right?"

Actually, it was pretty nice. Not that he'd ever admit it. He'd have to see if he could wrangle Deckard into something like this. Or something. Maybe.

Yeah he'd probably never try something like that. He was way too cool for that.

"No. So it isn't."

Which is just about all the go-ahead he needs in order to keep holding on. Keep leaning his head against the other bot's shoulder. Just sitting here.

It probably goes on for a long while, before he says anything further.

"I meant it when I thanked you."

Oh good Kagerou broke the silence. It was better than Gunmax doing it. Something stupid would have happened.

"I figured you did. Gotta admit though, I'm not entirely sure what it is you're thanking me for. Coming out here, hanging with you? I mean, you thanked me right after you called me a buttfuck."

And just like that, the silence was back. It was hesitant, and contemplative. As if he wasn't sure of what he wanted to say. Or just plain didn't know how to say it.

"For coming back."

If Gunmax could do it... if things could feel normal once he did... there was a weird hope in that.

Gunmax was a little confused at first, until he realized what Kagerou was talking about. It wasn't like Gunmax had any control over that, but he wasn't going to say anything about it.

"Don't mention it. Glad to be back."

Mostly, anyway. He couldn't help but catch himself missing people from back home every now and then, but it wasn't bad here by any means. At least he'd never experienced anything too bad yet.

He felt as if he had to thank him. Not that he felt the other BP had any control over what happened. More... he had no other way to express what he was feeling. The weird gratitude for this loud presence.

"As you wish."

More silence fell. He didn't mind it, though. He was comfortable in the quiet. But...

"Will you stay here, a while?"

Gunmax thumped Kagerou playfully on the back a couple times. Sitting in silence wasn't really his idea of fun, but he had more important things to worry about than finding ways to amuse himself.

"Sure thing, buddy. Whatever you want."

There was a little more in the way of relaxation when Gunmax agreed. He seemed to sag a bit, as if tired. This would be easier if he knew exactly what the boundaries were...

He sat up a bit, though, withdrawing one arm from around Gunmax, ending up leaning against his shoulder instead. Still huddled against him. Still in contact. But less clingy.

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