re_alignment_logs | standing on stone you stand beside me

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standing on stone you stand beside me

WHO: Kagerou + Open
WHERE: A mountain in Alpha Trion's Sector
WHEN: Evening-Late night. Week of 6/3
WHAT: Keeping vigil for those who left. At least, that's what he says he's doing.
WARNINGS: Feelings.

He's listened to her last message more times than he can count. Of course, they'd said their goodbyes in person, but, she'd left it for him, all the same, knowing he would need it. Knowing he needed such a reassurance. It's good to hear her voice, but, as always, when the recording ends, he feels the empty ache take over again, and turns his attention to the horizon once more.

Power Joe's stupid golf clubs are in his room now. Along with the trinkets and pieces of life Kay left behind her. He's proud of them. Proud of her. And hopeful. They're not lost. They're doing what must be done -- making their own choices.

They promised they would be all right. He made sure they promised him that.

So he has to remain. He has to stay here, or else what will they have to come back to? He would be a poor friend, a poor parent, not to stand here, stand guard... and wait for them.

Maybe there's a better place to do it. But he can't think of one. He's standing alone, somewhere high and wild, where the wind blows lonely through the panes of his wings, over the rocky heights around him. It's the place he can best see. Where he'd seen her off... The place he'd held Kay in his hands for the last time. Wished her luck -- wished her to stay brave and strong -- wished for her to come back as soon as she could.

"It's okay, Kagerou..."

His thoughts are a mess. He wants to be strong. To be brave -- for their sakes. He wants to make them proud when they return. And he believes they will. He knows they will.

But the knowledge does nothing to fill the ache in his AI. The way his hands feel empty. How he knows tomorrow, when he goes to check in on the police headquarters, there won't be any bright, amused voice calling out to him, using that stupid nickname. How when he finally returns to his room... it's going to be too quiet. There won't be any quiet footsteps in the night.

He folds his arms over his chest, bowing his head.

"I'll come home. That's a promise."

He wants to be prouder than he is. He wants to be braver than he is. But all he can do is stand here, bowed against the wind, and cling to the memories he's always held so dear.

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He reached up, and, just for a second, caught that hand. He squeezed it, briefly, before he let it fall through his fingers.

"Thank you."

Probably wasn't helping the weird factor, but, there it was. He'd said it.

"I'd say you don't have to thank me, but you're probably just going to do it anyway."

Yep totally weird, but Gunmax kind of felt good about it, too. He'd come up here to try to cheer Kagerou up, and as far as he could tell, he seemed to be kind of maybe doing that.

"I just did."

It was working a little. If nothing else, it took his mind off things. Getting told you were doing well by someone you... sort of envied a little... it did help.

Gave him something else to focus on.

"Right, no take backs."

He sees what you did there Kagerou. And man don't tell Gunmax you envy him, he just wouldn't get it.

"No... take backs. Right."

He'll keep the envy to himself. And just knock his head slightly into the smaller bot's shoulder. In solidarity.

Gunmax seems weirdly satisfied. Somehow. He isn't sure why. Maybe it's the whole bonding thing. He thinks this is bonding, anyway. He's pretty sure it's bonding, and he's pretty cool with it.

"You planning on staying out here much longer?"

"Mm," he says. An agreeing noise. This is... helpful. In a weird sort of way.

"I am. I want to stay here... as long as I can."

Because that was healthy.

Nooo it wasn't really. Not that Gunmax was any better at healthy decisions. He was probably worse, in some ways.

"Is it helping?"

The noise out of him wasn't really a laugh so much as it was a scoff. A broken-edged little sound he barely managed to choke out around a sudden weight in his chest.

"It's keeping me from going after them... Do you think that counts as helping?"

"Sounds like it might be."

Actually, Gunmax wasn't really sure.

"Y'know, you can talk to us, right? You can talk to me. Whenever you want, if you think that'll help too." He wasn't the best at being supportive, he knew, but he was sure as hell going to try.

He doesn't answer for a while, his expression distant. A little lost. After a beat or two of awkward silence, he nods.

"I know."

But how did he explain it? How did he say... It wasn't entirely the same. It didn't change anything. Talking never did.

"Maybe... eventually, I'll know what I need to say."

"I hear ya. I never was too good at the talking thing, myself."

Actually no he was really good at talking. Just not. About things that mattered.

"I mean. Y'know. Talking about personal things. Important things. I can run my mouth about bullshit better than anyone."

"You do better than I do."

Except there was that. The fact Gunmax excelled at talking, without... talking. Saying words. Whereas, Kagerou couldn't seem to do either one, without the right person.

"Is it better for you? Being that way?"

Gunmax shrugged. He still didn't think he was very good at it, but he supposed he was getting better at it lately.

"Mm? Better? Y'know, I really have no idea. I've just always been that way."

"It seems simpler, sometimes. To be able to brush everything off as you do."

Maybe that was a little of the envy talking. Or maybe he was still too naive to realize the problems with that kind of attitude.

"Huh. Maybe in some ways. In other ways it's just brought me more issues."

He was fully aware that his attitude was shitty sometimes, that brushing things off all the time was really just a shitty way to handle things. "Gives people the wrong idea about me, I guess. I usually prefer it, though."

"More issues?"

He probably should have left things at that. But... he was curious. He remembered the bad ideas of before -- the running off occasionally. Maybe that was what Gunmax meant. Leaving things behind instead of dealing with them.

"Even the other BPs? They all seem... close to you. Or closer."

"I guess I've gotten better about it, but I was a real jerk when I first started workin' with them. They couldn't stand me, and I really didn't care at the time. I wanted to do things my way."

He was still kind of like that, even today, but he'd reigned it in a lot from back then.

"I couldn't always handle it alone, though."

"They seem... insular. Tight in with one another," he said, slowly. "Everyone here was wary of me, as well."

Then again, he was the one who'd held a girl hostage in exchange for his freedom, but still.

"Maybe none of us were meant to. Do things alone."

"Oh yeah they do. Especially Build Team. And they were wary as hell of me at first, lemmie tell ya. Kinda gave 'em a good reason to be, though."

Technically Gunmax had used Yuuta as a tiny meat shield at one point, so he feels you there bro.

"I think you're right about that, though."

"Did you?" He glanced over at him, briefly. He hadn't heard that particular story. Only that... that Power Joe had felt...

Right. Not a good time to think about how Power Joe had felt.

"Maybe that's why it hurts so much. Having... people leave us."

"Do you really wanna know? It's not exactly one of my shining moments. I guess it's kinda funny in retrospect, though."

Nah probably not. Gunmax is silent for a moment as he contemplates Kagerou's words.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think you've nailed that, too."

"My life is made of moments that are less than shiny thus far."

It's meant to be reassuring, as... depressing as it comes out. You're not alone though, Gunmax. He's offering that much.

"I wonder why. Why they would make us that way... to need others so much."

"Well, okay. I kind of used our boss as a tiny meat shield so I could break into a place without the others following me."

See, Gunmax can be an asshole too. He's not really proud of that one.

"I don't believe that they programmed us that way. I think that's just natural."

"You used the little boy as a shield...?" he asked. Okay, so he had no room to talk. He'd used Yuuta's sister, after all. Not that he'd known who it was at the time -- still didn't, actually.

"I don't know. If it was natural... why is everyone else able to take this so much easier?"

They'd always reacted the hardest. Out of all of those trapped here.

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