standing on stone you stand beside me

[thxforthememories]

WHO: Kagerou + Open
WHERE: A mountain in Alpha Trion's Sector
WHEN: Evening-Late night. Week of 6/3
WHAT: Keeping vigil for those who left. At least, that's what he says he's doing.
WARNINGS: Feelings.

He's listened to her last message more times than he can count. Of course, they'd said their goodbyes in person, but, she'd left it for him, all the same, knowing he would need it. Knowing he needed such a reassurance. It's good to hear her voice, but, as always, when the recording ends, he feels the empty ache take over again, and turns his attention to the horizon once more.

Power Joe's stupid golf clubs are in his room now. Along with the trinkets and pieces of life Kay left behind her. He's proud of them. Proud of her. And hopeful. They're not lost. They're doing what must be done -- making their own choices.

They promised they would be all right. He made sure they promised him that.

So he has to remain. He has to stay here, or else what will they have to come back to? He would be a poor friend, a poor parent, not to stand here, stand guard... and wait for them.

Maybe there's a better place to do it. But he can't think of one. He's standing alone, somewhere high and wild, where the wind blows lonely through the panes of his wings, over the rocky heights around him. It's the place he can best see. Where he'd seen her off... The place he'd held Kay in his hands for the last time. Wished her luck -- wished her to stay brave and strong -- wished for her to come back as soon as she could.

"It's okay, Kagerou..."

His thoughts are a mess. He wants to be strong. To be brave -- for their sakes. He wants to make them proud when they return. And he believes they will. He knows they will.

But the knowledge does nothing to fill the ache in his AI. The way his hands feel empty. How he knows tomorrow, when he goes to check in on the police headquarters, there won't be any bright, amused voice calling out to him, using that stupid nickname. How when he finally returns to his room... it's going to be too quiet. There won't be any quiet footsteps in the night.

He folds his arms over his chest, bowing his head.

"I'll come home. That's a promise."

He wants to be prouder than he is. He wants to be braver than he is. But all he can do is stand here, bowed against the wind, and cling to the memories he's always held so dear.

Comments

[badboybikerbot]

Gunmax shrugged. He still didn't think he was very good at it, but he supposed he was getting better at it lately.

"Mm? Better? Y'know, I really have no idea. I've just always been that way."

[thxforthememories]

"It seems simpler, sometimes. To be able to brush everything off as you do."

Maybe that was a little of the envy talking. Or maybe he was still too naive to realize the problems with that kind of attitude.

[badboybikerbot]

"Huh. Maybe in some ways. In other ways it's just brought me more issues."

He was fully aware that his attitude was shitty sometimes, that brushing things off all the time was really just a shitty way to handle things. "Gives people the wrong idea about me, I guess. I usually prefer it, though."

[thxforthememories]

"More issues?"

He probably should have left things at that. But... he was curious. He remembered the bad ideas of before -- the running off occasionally. Maybe that was what Gunmax meant. Leaving things behind instead of dealing with them.

"Even the other BPs? They all seem... close to you. Or closer."

[badboybikerbot]

"I guess I've gotten better about it, but I was a real jerk when I first started workin' with them. They couldn't stand me, and I really didn't care at the time. I wanted to do things my way."

He was still kind of like that, even today, but he'd reigned it in a lot from back then.

"I couldn't always handle it alone, though."

[thxforthememories]

"They seem... insular. Tight in with one another," he said, slowly. "Everyone here was wary of me, as well."

Then again, he was the one who'd held a girl hostage in exchange for his freedom, but still.

"Maybe none of us were meant to. Do things alone."

[badboybikerbot]

"Oh yeah they do. Especially Build Team. And they were wary as hell of me at first, lemmie tell ya. Kinda gave 'em a good reason to be, though."

Technically Gunmax had used Yuuta as a tiny meat shield at one point, so he feels you there bro.

"I think you're right about that, though."

[thxforthememories]

"Did you?" He glanced over at him, briefly. He hadn't heard that particular story. Only that... that Power Joe had felt...

Right. Not a good time to think about how Power Joe had felt.

"Maybe that's why it hurts so much. Having... people leave us."

[badboybikerbot]

"Do you really wanna know? It's not exactly one of my shining moments. I guess it's kinda funny in retrospect, though."

Nah probably not. Gunmax is silent for a moment as he contemplates Kagerou's words.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think you've nailed that, too."

[thxforthememories]

"My life is made of moments that are less than shiny thus far."

It's meant to be reassuring, as... depressing as it comes out. You're not alone though, Gunmax. He's offering that much.

"I wonder why. Why they would make us that way... to need others so much."

[badboybikerbot]

"Well, okay. I kind of used our boss as a tiny meat shield so I could break into a place without the others following me."

See, Gunmax can be an asshole too. He's not really proud of that one.

"I don't believe that they programmed us that way. I think that's just natural."

[thxforthememories]

"You used the little boy as a shield...?" he asked. Okay, so he had no room to talk. He'd used Yuuta's sister, after all. Not that he'd known who it was at the time -- still didn't, actually.

"I don't know. If it was natural... why is everyone else able to take this so much easier?"

They'd always reacted the hardest. Out of all of those trapped here.

[badboybikerbot]

"Yeah, yeah. I told you I was a jerk."

Understatement of the century, there. He wasn't going to be winning and cop of the year awards after pulling a stunt like that.

"You mean the Cybertronians? Those guys are like millions of years old, we're not even two. Imagine all the people they must have lost over the years. After a while, they've probably just gotten used to it, or really damn good at coping and moving on."

He paused for a moment, "Can I be honest? I don't really envy them."

[thxforthememories]

There was a silent moment of hesitation, before he said... very quietly:

"... I used a human girl. Kay's age, actually."

Since they were sharing embarrassing moments in history, after all. He might as well offer up that little tidbit of shame.

And then more silence, as he listened. It made a weird sort of sense, really. They all talked about wars, violence. About being soldiers. Maybe that was true. He tilted his head at the last bit, though.

"No? Why not?"

[badboybikerbot]

"Wow, yeah? See I have absolutely no room to judge, so I'm just gonna say that I'm glad I wasn't the only one."

They can bond over poor decisions, it's all good here.

Gunmax had to actually shut his mouth and think about the next bit. It was kind of a big deal, at least he seemed to think so.

"I don't wanna have to get used to something like that. I sound like a total whiner, but. I think it scares me, you know? Which, I know, hardass bad boy Gunmax afraid of something like that? Psh, right."

[thxforthememories]

"Maybe that's why they're so opposed to us."

Or maybe it was the apparent rampage he'd gone on, later. The one he didn't remember. But no sense in bringing that up now.

He folded his arms around his legs, resting his chin on his knees. "McCrane worries about the same thing," he said, after his own thoughtful pause. About becoming too much like Prowl... and whether or not that's necessary."

His head tilted. "I won't tell anyone you're afraid."

[badboybikerbot]

"Well, everyone's gettin' along now, right? No sense in worryin' over stuff that's already happened."

Gunmax was usually pretty good at following his own advice in that regard.

"Auuugh, you sayin' I sound like McCrane, now? Never saw that one coming. But thanks. Let's just keep this between us."

[thxforthememories]

"I suppose there isn't, no."

He'd try. Try. Not worrying about things didn't really seem to be in his skillset. Maybe it was never meant to be.

"A little. Yes. But you swear more than he does, if that's consolation." He shrugged. "I will."

[badboybikerbot]

"Doesn't mean it's easy not to, though. Just a little somethin' to keep in mind."

He had a feeling Kagerou was just saying that. Gunmax didn't really know what made the ninja tick all to well yet, but he liked to think he was getting the hang of him.

"You kidding? I swear more than all of you. Combined. Gotta be some kinda record."

[thxforthememories]

"Nothing about this place is easy. Nothing about... life... is easy."

That, at least, was utterly genuine. And said with the tired air of someone who has said the same words dozens of times before, and plans on saying them dozens of times more.

"I say swears sometimes," he challenged. "You heard it before."

[badboybikerbot]

"Nah, it isn't, you're right. Y'either let it trample you, or you get stronger from it. S'what I think, anyway."

Maybe that wasn't the most optimistic response ever, but it was pretty accurate as far as Gunmax could tell.

"Yeah, I guess. Come to think of it, one of the first things I remember you sayin' to me was 'Hey buttfuck' or something!"

[thxforthememories]

"There's no in-between? No word for... what would happen if you couldn't do either one?"

Because he didn't feel as if he'd been made stronger. But he also didn't feel as if the world had yet defeated him.

"Someone told me to call you that, once. It stuck."

[badboybikerbot]

"Well, sure there is. Personally I haven't really seen it yet, but we're gonna be around a long time. I'm sure we'll stumble across it eventually."

Well he was trying to be encouraging, anyway.

"Hell of a nick name to be stuck with. Who the hell told you to do that?"

[thxforthememories]

"Do you really believe we will?"

It was something he thought about, sometimes. Whether or not he'd live as long as the Cybertronians. Such a thing seemed... possible. Which was astounding.

"Her name was Vandal," he said, quietly. "She... looked out for me. I cared for her. She was like an older sister to Kay. We saw snow together for the first time."

[badboybikerbot]

"You know what I think? I think anything is possible."

He wasn't sure if they'd make it as long as the Cybertronians, but they'd sure as hell give it a good run.

"Yeah? She sounds like a pretty cool person. Even with the buttfuck thing."