standing on stone you stand beside me

[thxforthememories]

WHO: Kagerou + Open
WHERE: A mountain in Alpha Trion's Sector
WHEN: Evening-Late night. Week of 6/3
WHAT: Keeping vigil for those who left. At least, that's what he says he's doing.
WARNINGS: Feelings.

He's listened to her last message more times than he can count. Of course, they'd said their goodbyes in person, but, she'd left it for him, all the same, knowing he would need it. Knowing he needed such a reassurance. It's good to hear her voice, but, as always, when the recording ends, he feels the empty ache take over again, and turns his attention to the horizon once more.

Power Joe's stupid golf clubs are in his room now. Along with the trinkets and pieces of life Kay left behind her. He's proud of them. Proud of her. And hopeful. They're not lost. They're doing what must be done -- making their own choices.

They promised they would be all right. He made sure they promised him that.

So he has to remain. He has to stay here, or else what will they have to come back to? He would be a poor friend, a poor parent, not to stand here, stand guard... and wait for them.

Maybe there's a better place to do it. But he can't think of one. He's standing alone, somewhere high and wild, where the wind blows lonely through the panes of his wings, over the rocky heights around him. It's the place he can best see. Where he'd seen her off... The place he'd held Kay in his hands for the last time. Wished her luck -- wished her to stay brave and strong -- wished for her to come back as soon as she could.

"It's okay, Kagerou..."

His thoughts are a mess. He wants to be strong. To be brave -- for their sakes. He wants to make them proud when they return. And he believes they will. He knows they will.

But the knowledge does nothing to fill the ache in his AI. The way his hands feel empty. How he knows tomorrow, when he goes to check in on the police headquarters, there won't be any bright, amused voice calling out to him, using that stupid nickname. How when he finally returns to his room... it's going to be too quiet. There won't be any quiet footsteps in the night.

He folds his arms over his chest, bowing his head.

"I'll come home. That's a promise."

He wants to be prouder than he is. He wants to be braver than he is. But all he can do is stand here, bowed against the wind, and cling to the memories he's always held so dear.

Comments

[thxforthememories]

"... He's still your friend, though, isn't he? Despite all you've said you are."

There was a point to this. Really, there was. He'd be getting there, in a minute or two. Really, he wouldn't have pushed this, any other time. But after so many disappearances...

Part of him felt as if he had to.

[badboybikerbot]

"Of course he's my friend. I'd do anything for him. And I don't even mean that in a feelingsy sort of way. Just in general."

Gunmax was horrible at this sort of thing. His engine felt like it was trying to punch it's way out of his chest. Wow life had been a hell of a lot easier up until a few minutes ago.

[thxforthememories]

"Does he feel the same?"

No one should have their feelings bottled down. No one. If he had never told Shadowmaru... he wouldn't have this feeling of support. This feeling of family.

"If he does... then you aren't nearly as bad as you say you are. Not to him."

[badboybikerbot]

Bottling feelings is one of Gunmax's greatest talents, aside from popping wheelies and annoying people. He liked to think he was content to keep living that way, but now he was feeling unsure about it. About a lot of things. And Gunmax hated feeling unsure of himself.

"I... I guess. I don't know. It's kind of hard to get on his bad side, y'know?"

[thxforthememories]

"So I've seen."

He goes quiet again, looking up at Rewind's stars. He'd let the words hang in silence for a while. See what happened. What things came babbling out of Gunmax's mouth. He... knew the biker bot cared about others. He'd seen it. Though bringing that up right now is probably not the best idea.

"You should speak to him. I won't say any more than that. But that's what I think."

[badboybikerbot]

"I'll think about it."

He had absolutely no intention whatsoever to do so, but that would have just seemed like... kind of a jerk thing to say.

And maybe he actually would think about it.

Maybe.

[thxforthememories]

That was about all he'd expected to hear. He nodded, and turned to regard Gunmax soberly. There was the faintest hint of approval on his face. A tiny flicker of a smile.

"Thank you," he said, without a trace of sarcasm or mockery.

[badboybikerbot]

Gunmax let himself relax, now that all that was over. All that feelingsy crap.

Feelingsy crap that apparently Gunmax was trying to practice. Or something.

"Y'know... This might sound weird because I'm really bad at saying shit like this, but I'm glad I got a chance to meet you. You're... you're all right."

[thxforthememories]

And just like that, his head snapped around, staring at him. Like Gunmax had suddenly started speaking gibberish or... grown a second head.

"You... You mean that. Don't you?"

Something crumples in his expression.

"Do you think... you think I've... grown up?"

[badboybikerbot]

That reaction somehow managed to startle the fuck out of Gunmax. He jumped a bit, looking concerned for a second. Shit, had he said something wrong? What the hell was wrong with that?

"Of course I mean it! All of it!"

It was about then that he realized that he'd put his hands up defensively. He slowly lowered them, almost cautiously. Man Kagerou was cool and all but he sure did react weird to some things.

"You're a hell of a lot more mature about some things than I am, that's for sure. I'd say you've grown up."

[thxforthememories]

The odd reactions weren't going to change any time soon. He keeps right on gaping at Gunmax, as the words wash over him. His jaw works. But no sound comes out.

Grow up, Kagebird.

I'm trying -- don't you understand that?

He nods, finally, his head bowing. His whole body seems to curl in on itself, wings flattening down. He didn't really know how to answer that. How to respond. Did he thank him? Was that even appropriate for something he wouldn't remember?

"It... means a lot," he said, at length, the words halting. "Hearing you say those things. Knowing you mean them..."

[badboybikerbot]

Yeaaah, Gunmax was kind of confused, but as long as Kagerou was happy, then he could deal with it. Still kinda completely weird though.

Gunmax thumped Kagerou on the shoulder a couple times. "Absolutely meant 'em buddy."

[thxforthememories]

He reached up, and, just for a second, caught that hand. He squeezed it, briefly, before he let it fall through his fingers.

"Thank you."

Probably wasn't helping the weird factor, but, there it was. He'd said it.

[badboybikerbot]

"I'd say you don't have to thank me, but you're probably just going to do it anyway."

Yep totally weird, but Gunmax kind of felt good about it, too. He'd come up here to try to cheer Kagerou up, and as far as he could tell, he seemed to be kind of maybe doing that.

[thxforthememories]

"I just did."

It was working a little. If nothing else, it took his mind off things. Getting told you were doing well by someone you... sort of envied a little... it did help.

Gave him something else to focus on.

[badboybikerbot]

"Right, no take backs."

He sees what you did there Kagerou. And man don't tell Gunmax you envy him, he just wouldn't get it.

[thxforthememories]

"No... take backs. Right."

He'll keep the envy to himself. And just knock his head slightly into the smaller bot's shoulder. In solidarity.

[badboybikerbot]

Gunmax seems weirdly satisfied. Somehow. He isn't sure why. Maybe it's the whole bonding thing. He thinks this is bonding, anyway. He's pretty sure it's bonding, and he's pretty cool with it.

"You planning on staying out here much longer?"

[thxforthememories]

"Mm," he says. An agreeing noise. This is... helpful. In a weird sort of way.

"I am. I want to stay here... as long as I can."

Because that was healthy.

[badboybikerbot]

Nooo it wasn't really. Not that Gunmax was any better at healthy decisions. He was probably worse, in some ways.

"Is it helping?"

[thxforthememories]

The noise out of him wasn't really a laugh so much as it was a scoff. A broken-edged little sound he barely managed to choke out around a sudden weight in his chest.

"It's keeping me from going after them... Do you think that counts as helping?"

[badboybikerbot]

"Sounds like it might be."

Actually, Gunmax wasn't really sure.

"Y'know, you can talk to us, right? You can talk to me. Whenever you want, if you think that'll help too." He wasn't the best at being supportive, he knew, but he was sure as hell going to try.

[thxforthememories]

He doesn't answer for a while, his expression distant. A little lost. After a beat or two of awkward silence, he nods.

"I know."

But how did he explain it? How did he say... It wasn't entirely the same. It didn't change anything. Talking never did.

"Maybe... eventually, I'll know what I need to say."

[badboybikerbot]

"I hear ya. I never was too good at the talking thing, myself."

Actually no he was really good at talking. Just not. About things that mattered.

"I mean. Y'know. Talking about personal things. Important things. I can run my mouth about bullshit better than anyone."

[thxforthememories]

"You do better than I do."

Except there was that. The fact Gunmax excelled at talking, without... talking. Saying words. Whereas, Kagerou couldn't seem to do either one, without the right person.

"Is it better for you? Being that way?"