re_alignment_logs | Chasing a lie I thought I believed in

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Chasing a lie I thought I believed in

WHO: Kay and whoever stumbles upon her.

WHERE: Junkpile

WHEN: Today

WHAT: Kay's exploring the Junkpile for some items. If you cross her path and talk to her she'll most likely find an item for you.

WARNINGS: She's a little grumpy after being embarrassed in front of Alpha Trion. Feel like cheering her up?

There's nothing worse than being made a fool in front of your idol. And Kay had learned that all too quickly. Cliffjumper had not only pranked her into thinking he'd been turned into a guitar (a guitar that was now gone, whether by Trion's correction or her own disposal), but some things, like your own competence shouldn't be called out on. At least that's how Kay saw it. But bottling yourself up in your room was getting old, so she took it outside, trekking all the way to the Junkpile to relieve some teenage-girl steam. Although this didn't keep her from her promise to Kagerou either. She sent a text to the robot saying she'd meet him there if he was well enough to go.

From pile to pile she leapt, searching for anything and everything. There wasn't much to find that didn't get scavenged earlier, but it provided a great distraction from everything. She sat crouched, examining what looked to be a whisk before tossing it to the side, scanning this pile once more.

"Stupid."

Whether she was talking about the whisk or something else was to be debated. She flipped her hair out of the way, giving a big sigh before hoisting herself to her feet.

Maybe the next pile would have something.

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"A weapon?"

Despite said skepticism, he glances around the immediate area, but doesn't locate anything in particular. Not right away.

"Why do you need a weapon?"

She stands up again, and as soon as she does, the flap slams closed on the helmet. Her finger lifts it up as she walks along, searching the piles again.

"Well...just in case I get into trouble and you guys aren't around..."

"Why wouldn't we be?"

He trails after her, once again. Maybe he picked up a few more traits from his other half's frame than he'd thought.

"Well, I'm sure you have other things to do than protect me ALL the time..."

As touching as it is to hear that. It kind of felt nice...to have that assurance of protection. It'd been a long time since she had that feeling. Her arms lift up a trash can lid, peeking under it as she looks up at him.

"Like talking to friends."

"... I do?"

It's probably sad he's seriously asking that question. He kneels again, when she starts fiddling with the trashcan lid, the better to speak with her.

"Aren't I doing that now?"

That gets a laugh out of her, and she in return she hugs that leg again.

"Of course you are! But I don't want to keep you all to myself. That'd be unfair, right?"

Sometimes, he thinks he's never going to get used to these things. The arms holding his leg make him jump a little, though he curbs it in time to keep from knocking her down.

"You have other friends... I don't expect you to..."

She does feel that slight bounce of recoil, gently patting the metal of that leg. Oh...oh don't be sweet. That's just mean.

"You have other friends too, Kagerou."

"I... do. But they also have others."

He's not sure where it is he fits. Here, or anywhere. He holds out a hand to her, almost absently. Because patting his leg can't be comfortable for her.

She sees that hand, taking it gently and holding it close to her. Yes, it was much easier to hug than that leg, she had to admit.

"Well, Everyone has friends. But you're just as important."

A little squeeze to that hand.

"You are to me, anyway."

He doesn't resist when his hand is held onto. After all, that was partly the reason why he'd offered it. He's just not entirely sure what to do with it after she holds onto it.

"Just as important..."

He trails off, as if the words have some power over him.

"I... I've been trying to figure that out. How to do that."

"That's right."

She leans against that hand, looking up at him and giggling. Although, she blinks when he says the last statement.

"How do do what?"

He blinks at her. Then, on an impulse... lifts her up. It would be even easier, he figures, to talk to her this way.

"To... keep the balance. More people being as important to you as others."

She's a bit surprised at the lift up, although not disappointed. She was glad to see him taking more initiative, at least!

"It's hard, especially when you're only used to one friend, huh."

Well, at least now she's more or less at eye-level. That helps.

"You're the first to... understand," he says. Then cycles air in a sigh. "How do you do it?"

"Well...back when I was little, my dad was my only friend, except for my Uncle, of course. He made me promise to not speak to strangers, so I didn't. So...I know a little bit what it's like."

She starts tracing along the edges of those fingers.

"But when he died...I kind of had to, you know? Same as when I got here. I had to talk to someone. To make friends because he wasn't there."

If there's one thing introversion is good for, at least in his case, it's listening. Which he does, readily, making no move to curl his fingers away from her hands. His head tilts, as if to show that yes, he is still paying attention, even though he's all but silent.

"Your father was the most important to you..."

He glances away, then back to her.

"... But you have many friends. And... he's no less important? Is that true?"

Her tracing of his fingers turns to small rubs, sliding her gloves along that metal gently. Having someone to talk about this stuff with definitely did wonders for her.

"He was. He was everything."

And when his head turns back, she can't help but smile wider.

"He's just as important as he was. You can't replace someone you love."

He doesn't mind. She isn't touching anything delicate. It's... kind of nice, in a way, that kind of contact. He watches her hand, though, almost curiously.

A slow blink, as he processes this.

"But... how do you balance it all out? How do you... care for others, without making them less?"

"That's the best part, Mr. Kagerou. There's no limit to how much love you can give. Every time you have a new friend, you get more."

Whatever answer he was expecting, that isn't it. He doesn't answer for several long moments, just staring down at her in surprise. He hadn't... thought that was possible, clearly.

"No limit...?" A beat. "Are you sure?"

That little metal flap falls down again, and she scrambles to get it back up again.

"Ah!! I ...I mean yeah! Think of it like...a necklace. A pearl necklace. Each friend is a pearl you put on the string. Your necklace gets bigger and bigger, and with each one it gets prettier and prettier."

A beat.

"Does that make sense...?"

He's silent while he pictures this. Using an example does help. It's easier than trying to puzzle it out all on his own. Though he's not sure about the 'prettier and prettier' part.

... maybe it applies more to Shadowmaru than him. He was always more fond of his looks...

After a pause, he nods. "Yes... it... it makes more sense than what others have tried to say."

She's at least glad to see he doesn't seem so confused anymore.

"I'm glad. But no matter what, you never forget the first pearl you got. That's what makes it special."

"I won't."

He says it so... harshly. Bitterly. That she may as well have told him something scandalous. Though, after a moment, he brings himself back under control, and shakes his head.

"I won't forget him. No one can make me do that."

He would rather die.

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i regret nothing

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