re_alignment_logs | Chasing a lie I thought I believed in

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Chasing a lie I thought I believed in

WHO: Kay and whoever stumbles upon her.

WHERE: Junkpile

WHEN: Today

WHAT: Kay's exploring the Junkpile for some items. If you cross her path and talk to her she'll most likely find an item for you.

WARNINGS: She's a little grumpy after being embarrassed in front of Alpha Trion. Feel like cheering her up?

There's nothing worse than being made a fool in front of your idol. And Kay had learned that all too quickly. Cliffjumper had not only pranked her into thinking he'd been turned into a guitar (a guitar that was now gone, whether by Trion's correction or her own disposal), but some things, like your own competence shouldn't be called out on. At least that's how Kay saw it. But bottling yourself up in your room was getting old, so she took it outside, trekking all the way to the Junkpile to relieve some teenage-girl steam. Although this didn't keep her from her promise to Kagerou either. She sent a text to the robot saying she'd meet him there if he was well enough to go.

From pile to pile she leapt, searching for anything and everything. There wasn't much to find that didn't get scavenged earlier, but it provided a great distraction from everything. She sat crouched, examining what looked to be a whisk before tossing it to the side, scanning this pile once more.

"Stupid."

Whether she was talking about the whisk or something else was to be debated. She flipped her hair out of the way, giving a big sigh before hoisting herself to her feet.

Maybe the next pile would have something.

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"Well...back when I was little, my dad was my only friend, except for my Uncle, of course. He made me promise to not speak to strangers, so I didn't. So...I know a little bit what it's like."

She starts tracing along the edges of those fingers.

"But when he died...I kind of had to, you know? Same as when I got here. I had to talk to someone. To make friends because he wasn't there."

If there's one thing introversion is good for, at least in his case, it's listening. Which he does, readily, making no move to curl his fingers away from her hands. His head tilts, as if to show that yes, he is still paying attention, even though he's all but silent.

"Your father was the most important to you..."

He glances away, then back to her.

"... But you have many friends. And... he's no less important? Is that true?"

Her tracing of his fingers turns to small rubs, sliding her gloves along that metal gently. Having someone to talk about this stuff with definitely did wonders for her.

"He was. He was everything."

And when his head turns back, she can't help but smile wider.

"He's just as important as he was. You can't replace someone you love."

He doesn't mind. She isn't touching anything delicate. It's... kind of nice, in a way, that kind of contact. He watches her hand, though, almost curiously.

A slow blink, as he processes this.

"But... how do you balance it all out? How do you... care for others, without making them less?"

"That's the best part, Mr. Kagerou. There's no limit to how much love you can give. Every time you have a new friend, you get more."

Whatever answer he was expecting, that isn't it. He doesn't answer for several long moments, just staring down at her in surprise. He hadn't... thought that was possible, clearly.

"No limit...?" A beat. "Are you sure?"

That little metal flap falls down again, and she scrambles to get it back up again.

"Ah!! I ...I mean yeah! Think of it like...a necklace. A pearl necklace. Each friend is a pearl you put on the string. Your necklace gets bigger and bigger, and with each one it gets prettier and prettier."

A beat.

"Does that make sense...?"

He's silent while he pictures this. Using an example does help. It's easier than trying to puzzle it out all on his own. Though he's not sure about the 'prettier and prettier' part.

... maybe it applies more to Shadowmaru than him. He was always more fond of his looks...

After a pause, he nods. "Yes... it... it makes more sense than what others have tried to say."

She's at least glad to see he doesn't seem so confused anymore.

"I'm glad. But no matter what, you never forget the first pearl you got. That's what makes it special."

"I won't."

He says it so... harshly. Bitterly. That she may as well have told him something scandalous. Though, after a moment, he brings himself back under control, and shakes his head.

"I won't forget him. No one can make me do that."

He would rather die.

Her hand runs along one of those fingers gently.

"It's okay...you won't. Ever."

She stands up, a bit wobbly because of the helmet, and leans over the fingers like a railing, giving him a little kiss.

...Also a clank. Sorry, the helmet hinders things.

He shakes his head again.

"No. I promised... I..."

And whatever he was about to say flies right out of his head. He... isn't sure what just happened.

So he ends up staring at her.

Like she just burst into flames right then and there in his palm.

Oh god she broke him.

"Mr. Kagerou...?"

It takes him way too long to recover his senses. He blinks. Several times.

"... yes?"

And in return, she blinks back.

"Are you okay...? You seem kind of...spacey."

Is he okay? He's not sure. His processor feels like it's racing to catch up to the rest of him, and failing.

"I'm..."

He shakes his head.

"What did you just...?"

She reaches out again, rubbing the spot that she placed her lips, right on the cheek.

"It's called a kiss, silly. You robots don't do that?"

He can't help it. He tilts his head away a little when she touches his face.

"I never have."

"Well...to tell you the truth, neither have I. Except from my dad, but that's different."

She removes that hand when he leans away.

"I'm sorry! It was just...you looked so sad."

"Different...?"

He looks at her oddly for a moment, blinking. The next question is hesitant, like he's trying to puzzle it out as he actually says the words.

"And you... do this when someone is sad...?"

"Well, yeah, he's my dad."

The concepts of family are so natural that she doesn't even realize that Kagerou might not know about it.

"Well, you can...they're supposed to show you love someone!"

"So... that makes it different?"

He's trying to understand. He doesn't have anything like a father to match her experience against. Toudou might have been the closest thing -- but even then, he never really got to know the man that well.

"Love..." he trails off again, several conversations flitting back to him. Wing. Vandal. They'd both said... "Just for someone you... love?"

"Yeah, he's family."

She sees his face trying to work this problem out, and puts a hand to her chin.

"Well, there's all kinds of love, Mr. Kagerou. There's family love...friendship love...true love..."

"I don't... have family. I don't know how to imagine something like that."

Unless. Maybe Shadowmaru counted? But if the others were right, and he did -- feel something for him. What did that mean?

And then Kay kept talking. It only made the matter more confusing.

"How do you even keep track of... things like this?"

"It's a different feeling for every kind of love. It's similar, but you'll be able to tell the difference."

She reaches out and touches that face again.

"For starters, I love you like a friend."

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