standing on stone you stand beside me

[thxforthememories]

WHO: Kagerou + Open
WHERE: A mountain in Alpha Trion's Sector
WHEN: Evening-Late night. Week of 6/3
WHAT: Keeping vigil for those who left. At least, that's what he says he's doing.
WARNINGS: Feelings.

He's listened to her last message more times than he can count. Of course, they'd said their goodbyes in person, but, she'd left it for him, all the same, knowing he would need it. Knowing he needed such a reassurance. It's good to hear her voice, but, as always, when the recording ends, he feels the empty ache take over again, and turns his attention to the horizon once more.

Power Joe's stupid golf clubs are in his room now. Along with the trinkets and pieces of life Kay left behind her. He's proud of them. Proud of her. And hopeful. They're not lost. They're doing what must be done -- making their own choices.

They promised they would be all right. He made sure they promised him that.

So he has to remain. He has to stay here, or else what will they have to come back to? He would be a poor friend, a poor parent, not to stand here, stand guard... and wait for them.

Maybe there's a better place to do it. But he can't think of one. He's standing alone, somewhere high and wild, where the wind blows lonely through the panes of his wings, over the rocky heights around him. It's the place he can best see. Where he'd seen her off... The place he'd held Kay in his hands for the last time. Wished her luck -- wished her to stay brave and strong -- wished for her to come back as soon as she could.

"It's okay, Kagerou..."

His thoughts are a mess. He wants to be strong. To be brave -- for their sakes. He wants to make them proud when they return. And he believes they will. He knows they will.

But the knowledge does nothing to fill the ache in his AI. The way his hands feel empty. How he knows tomorrow, when he goes to check in on the police headquarters, there won't be any bright, amused voice calling out to him, using that stupid nickname. How when he finally returns to his room... it's going to be too quiet. There won't be any quiet footsteps in the night.

He folds his arms over his chest, bowing his head.

"I'll come home. That's a promise."

He wants to be prouder than he is. He wants to be braver than he is. But all he can do is stand here, bowed against the wind, and cling to the memories he's always held so dear.

Comments

i'm the coolest

[badboybikerbot]

"You thought nothin'. Shut up. There's nothing. Just..."

Just shit. The entire world is a disaster right now and Gunmax just buries his face in his hands to hide from it.

In the manliest way possible.

well yes yes you are

[thxforthememories]

"I won't tell him, you know."

He turns away, then, looking out to the horizon again. It's like he's trying to give the other BP some space. Even though he's still sort of slumped against him.

"That's your choice."

eeee

[badboybikerbot]

"This is so stupid."

He's just mumbling into his hands at this point. All mature like. Fuck it all, he'd come up here to help Kagerou deal with things, and here he was having some kind of stupid crisis. Oops huh.

"This is so stupid. He can do way better than... just, you know what. Forget we ever talked about this. It never happened."

[thxforthememories]

"Why is it stupid?"

Feelings aren't stupid, in his opinion. No matter what they are. Everyone here had tried to beat that into his head, while he'd been having his own crisis. Over about the same thing, really.

This optics flick in Gunmax's direction, narrowing a bit.

"I can't forget things. That's... not something I want to do," he says. "Why would you say he could do better?"

[badboybikerbot]

"Fine, fine then, don't forget it." Have it your way, pigeon. Gunmax just runs a hand down his face, looking like he's talking about the most horrible thing in the world.

"Uh, because I'm kind of a shitty person and a selfish prick and a horrible influence, and he's this perfect little boyscout who is literally nice to everybody and can practically do no wrong ever? We'll start with that."

[thxforthememories]

"He can do wrong," he says, with a slight shrug. "He tried to hunt me down. He refused to listen to me, to Shadowmaru. He isn't perfect."

It was meant to be reassuring. That the Brave Leader wasn't exactly a paragon of perfection, as far as Kagerou saw. Not a bad thing -- he hadn't meant it to be one. He was trying.

That counted, right?

"Does he think those things about you?"

[badboybikerbot]

"Okay, maybe I'm givin' him a little too much credit."

Gunmax actually winces at that. Fuck, right, he hadn't been around for any of that. It kind of did sound shitty. Now he felt like an asshole and kind of just wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere.

"Man I don't know what he thinks about me. I mean, I know it can't be all bad, considerin' what he did for me, but I don't exactly go out of my way to not be a jerk."

[thxforthememories]

"We always do. For the ones we care for most."

If everyone else he'd spoken to was to be believed. He'd tell them all, in detail, how perfect he believed Shadowmaru to be, for example. They never believed him. He tried to keep his voice as calm and steady as possible. No judgement in the words.

He really wasn't one to talk, after all.

"You could ask him, you know," he says. "You don't have to tell him what you feel. Just... see what he does."

[badboybikerbot]

Gunmax and caring, they just didn't go together, okay. He had this aloof badass loner image he was trying to keep up. This was totally throwing a wrench in it.

"I can't do that. There's no way. He'd immediately know something was up. When the hell have I ever asked people how they feel about me? That's not very me, y'know. It's not very Gunmax. He'd see right through it."

[thxforthememories]

"... He's still your friend, though, isn't he? Despite all you've said you are."

There was a point to this. Really, there was. He'd be getting there, in a minute or two. Really, he wouldn't have pushed this, any other time. But after so many disappearances...

Part of him felt as if he had to.

[badboybikerbot]

"Of course he's my friend. I'd do anything for him. And I don't even mean that in a feelingsy sort of way. Just in general."

Gunmax was horrible at this sort of thing. His engine felt like it was trying to punch it's way out of his chest. Wow life had been a hell of a lot easier up until a few minutes ago.

[thxforthememories]

"Does he feel the same?"

No one should have their feelings bottled down. No one. If he had never told Shadowmaru... he wouldn't have this feeling of support. This feeling of family.

"If he does... then you aren't nearly as bad as you say you are. Not to him."

[badboybikerbot]

Bottling feelings is one of Gunmax's greatest talents, aside from popping wheelies and annoying people. He liked to think he was content to keep living that way, but now he was feeling unsure about it. About a lot of things. And Gunmax hated feeling unsure of himself.

"I... I guess. I don't know. It's kind of hard to get on his bad side, y'know?"

[thxforthememories]

"So I've seen."

He goes quiet again, looking up at Rewind's stars. He'd let the words hang in silence for a while. See what happened. What things came babbling out of Gunmax's mouth. He... knew the biker bot cared about others. He'd seen it. Though bringing that up right now is probably not the best idea.

"You should speak to him. I won't say any more than that. But that's what I think."

[badboybikerbot]

"I'll think about it."

He had absolutely no intention whatsoever to do so, but that would have just seemed like... kind of a jerk thing to say.

And maybe he actually would think about it.

Maybe.

[thxforthememories]

That was about all he'd expected to hear. He nodded, and turned to regard Gunmax soberly. There was the faintest hint of approval on his face. A tiny flicker of a smile.

"Thank you," he said, without a trace of sarcasm or mockery.

[badboybikerbot]

Gunmax let himself relax, now that all that was over. All that feelingsy crap.

Feelingsy crap that apparently Gunmax was trying to practice. Or something.

"Y'know... This might sound weird because I'm really bad at saying shit like this, but I'm glad I got a chance to meet you. You're... you're all right."

[thxforthememories]

And just like that, his head snapped around, staring at him. Like Gunmax had suddenly started speaking gibberish or... grown a second head.

"You... You mean that. Don't you?"

Something crumples in his expression.

"Do you think... you think I've... grown up?"

[badboybikerbot]

That reaction somehow managed to startle the fuck out of Gunmax. He jumped a bit, looking concerned for a second. Shit, had he said something wrong? What the hell was wrong with that?

"Of course I mean it! All of it!"

It was about then that he realized that he'd put his hands up defensively. He slowly lowered them, almost cautiously. Man Kagerou was cool and all but he sure did react weird to some things.

"You're a hell of a lot more mature about some things than I am, that's for sure. I'd say you've grown up."

[thxforthememories]

The odd reactions weren't going to change any time soon. He keeps right on gaping at Gunmax, as the words wash over him. His jaw works. But no sound comes out.

Grow up, Kagebird.

I'm trying -- don't you understand that?

He nods, finally, his head bowing. His whole body seems to curl in on itself, wings flattening down. He didn't really know how to answer that. How to respond. Did he thank him? Was that even appropriate for something he wouldn't remember?

"It... means a lot," he said, at length, the words halting. "Hearing you say those things. Knowing you mean them..."

[badboybikerbot]

Yeaaah, Gunmax was kind of confused, but as long as Kagerou was happy, then he could deal with it. Still kinda completely weird though.

Gunmax thumped Kagerou on the shoulder a couple times. "Absolutely meant 'em buddy."

[thxforthememories]

He reached up, and, just for a second, caught that hand. He squeezed it, briefly, before he let it fall through his fingers.

"Thank you."

Probably wasn't helping the weird factor, but, there it was. He'd said it.

[badboybikerbot]

"I'd say you don't have to thank me, but you're probably just going to do it anyway."

Yep totally weird, but Gunmax kind of felt good about it, too. He'd come up here to try to cheer Kagerou up, and as far as he could tell, he seemed to be kind of maybe doing that.

[thxforthememories]

"I just did."

It was working a little. If nothing else, it took his mind off things. Getting told you were doing well by someone you... sort of envied a little... it did help.

Gave him something else to focus on.

[badboybikerbot]

"Right, no take backs."

He sees what you did there Kagerou. And man don't tell Gunmax you envy him, he just wouldn't get it.