re_alignment_logs

Entry tags:

Failure

WHO: Rung, Open~
WHERE: He's wandered into Alpha Trion's Quadrant.
WHEN Sometime after the bad session with Fortress Maximus.
WHAT: He failed at the only thing he's ever truly been good at and he feels miserable because of it.
WARNINGS: N/A

Rung felt like a failure; an absolute failure in what he was supposed to be good at. He was supposed to help Fortress Maximus, do what he could because that's what his function was, and yet he'd completely fallen apart when the other had gotten upset and instead of helping he'd probably caused more harm than good. He'd lost his composure, let his emotions come through too much, and hadn't been able to keep his own haunting memories at bay.

It was everything that therapist wasn't supposed to do.

A small voice in the back of his head reminded him, as he walked along lost in thought, that the incident was still fairly fresh--recent enough that at times he could still feel the sting of the blow to his head--but a larger voice, the more stubborn one that Rung was letting have control at the moment, argued that it didn't matter. He should have been able to put it all aside and not let it get to him. He should have been able to calm Fortress Maximus down and helped him instead of freaking out.

He'd thought about retracting his offer for the time being, since he didn't feel like he was a good enough doctor to help anyone now, but he'd already made steps with several and he couldn't--wouldn't back out on them now.

But he'd never really felt more worthless in all of his existence really.

Rung had been so lost in thought that he didn't really realize where he'd ended up until he finally caught sight of a lake, the therapist's optics flickering as he slowed to a stop, staring out over the waters before finally looking around. It was very serene in a way, peaceful in a way that reminded him of what Blurr had said.

This must be Alpha Trion's quadrant.

Hesitating for a moment more, Rung's vents cycled softly as he pushed forward, heading down closer to the lake to just sit and..stew some more. Berate himself some more? Something like that...

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"I see...I'm sorry to hear that," the Cybertronian murmured, hoping that things would calm down for the other so that it would be less tense and more comfortable.

The therapist looking momentarily startled at the serious tone that the other took, optics flickering as he was told that one, he'd been lied to and two, this place was awful. Confusion started to take over and Rung almost said something until Kagerou pointed at the lake, the Cybertronian looking over at it and staring for a moment before tilting his head a bit.

"..Not a fan of water then I take it?"

"Why?" he asked. It was an honest question. Not accusing or irritated, just -- "You haven't done anything wrong."

He probably should have clarified at first. But landing in the water had not been pleasant. Part of him wanted to spare the Cybertronian the experience. Rung had been kind to him so far. Doing the same in return only made sense.

He nodded.

"It... got in places. It wasn't pleasant. You shouldn't try it."

Rung thought for a moment on how to explain why he had said sorry.

"I know, but I feel bad that things aren't going well for you at the moment, so I suppose my use of the word sorry was a bit of a worried sort of sentiment, expressing that I felt bad that things were tense for you," he attempted, hoping that it at least made some sense.

His gaze shifted to the water again and he thought about being in it and..well, yes he could understand how unpleasant it could potentially be for beings like themselves.

"I think I'll take your advice on that."

His head tilted to the other side, and he nodded, once. Yes, that made sense. Expressing your concern in an apology -- that had worked so well earlier, hadn't it? Then again, this other robot... he likely had more experience with the subject.

"It isn't your fault... but... thank you."

He stepped a bit closer, glancing out over the lake as well. It made his wings flick, plating shudder, to remember it.

"You haven't been in water either?"

Rung offered the other a smile at the thanks, nodding to him a bit before it faded into a thoughtful look as he turned his gaze on the water as well.

"No, nothing like this," Rung replied with a slight shake of his head before kneeling down and reaching out to brush his fingers through the water like he'd done with he was speaking with Ultra Magnus and others. "I cannot really imagine ever wanting to be submerged in it, to be honest. It's interesting, but..." He withdrew his hand, shaking his head again before his gaze shifted to Kagerou once more.

"I'm assuming you did not go into it by choice?"

The smile wasn't entirely returned. He tried. But it felt... foreign -- an expression that didn't belong on his face.

"Isn't... your planet doesn't have any water?" he asked. No one had really told him much about their world. Only that a war had happened. That this place was "new". Beyond that, he knew nothing of their planet.

Though... part of him did wonder what it would be like. To live in a world only of robots.

At the question, he shuddered, shaking his head. "No. I fell."

"Not like this, at least not that I ever saw or knew about," Rung said with a shake of his head, slowly straightening up as he flexed his fingers a bit, watching--briefly--as the remains of the water dripped off the metal.

He lowered his hand when the other said that he fell, optics flickering some then dimming thoughtfully.

"That, especially, doesn't sound all too pleasant."

"It's nice to look at," he admitted. Even though he kept his distance, he had to admit it did look pretty. If he didn't know what it felt like to be in it, he might even enjoy it, here. "There was an ocean... where I came from. I saw it twice, even."

Two whole times out of his entire life.

He shrugs slightly, his arms still folded around himself. It's more comfortable that way.

"It wasn't... but Soundwave came and got me out."

"Ocean...Those are much much larger than a lake like this, yes?" he asked, his curiosity about things that he wasn't familiar with shining through as he took just a slight step closer to Kagerou. Rung kept himself from asking too many questions at once though, since the other wasn't quite like many of the individuals he'd already interacted with.

Kagerou seemed more reserved in a way.

"That's good. At least you had someone to help you."

"Yes," he said, nodding. "It's... bigger than anything. Bigger than a city."

And, secretly, he'd wondered what was on the other side. If he'd gone to find out, would things have ended differently? No way of knowing.

He didn't mind the approach, not pulling away from the other robot. It was easier to talk this way, wasn't it? "Soundwave has a good heart..." He tilted his head. "Have you met him?"

"It sounds a bit intimidating, I must admit," the therapist replied though he was curious to see what such a thing would look like.

Tucking his arms behind his back and lacing his fingers together, Rung smiled softly and nodded.

"I have, yes. He is a very nice bot, one of the nicest I've met, I'd have to say."

"It does?" he asked. He turned a little, then, looking at the Cybertronian directly. "Are you afraid of the water?"

He very nearly put a too at the end of the second question. Though, it wasn't really true. More, he disliked it than feared it.

Something close to a smile flickered on his own face. "He's looked out for me..." And then trailed off. "It's good. That you met him. Now you have someone else to speak to."

He was, of course, automatically assuming anyone who had met Soundwave had made friends with him.

"Not..afraid necessarily. Just not use to something like this, I guess. There are just a lot of unknowns when it comes to water," Rung explained in all honesty, eyeing the lake again as if he wasn't sure what to expect from it but there was also a trace of intrigue there.

His focus returned to his companion and a soft smile appeared as he talked about Soundwave more.

"He seems like the type that truly is nice down to the core. It's a bit refreshing."

"Unknowns? What kind of... unknowns?"

Even as he asked the question, he backed away from the water a little, as if he expected it to explode. Or for something to leap out at them. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise him at this point.

The smile caught him a little off-guard. He blinked, before trying once more to imitate it.

"There aren't many like that... are there?"

"It's not something I've ever really been around much, I'm afraid," Rung admitted, feeling bad as he noted the way the other backed away. "I'm sure it's safe and whatnot but I'm just not familiar with it myself so I suppose it's merely fear born out of that."

His expression softened again and he shook his head, tilting his head as he noted the way Kagerou attempted a smile of his own.

"No, I suppose there aren't, at least not where I'm from. But here..I've run into quite a few."

He considered this for a moment, canting his head to the side -- a birdlike motion. Which made sense, considering what he turned into. "Afraid... because you don't know what could be there?" he asked, more to himself than anything. "I... yes. I understand that."

It wasn't really a smile. It sort of looked like someone had tried to stretch out his face. But hey. He tried. And he took a few steps back to where he'd been a moment ago, after being reassured nothing was going to leap out of the lake.

"No one likes it here... everyone wants to go home," he said, slowly. "But... there are better humans, and more robots with good hearts, here than anywhere I've been."

Rung's expression melted into a sad sort of thoughtful look as he nodded a touch.

"It..this place does seem to hold a lot more positive outcomes for many of us," he said softly. "And I daresay it's given a lot of us a new lease on life in a way, a chance to start fresh. I think it's the idea of being pulled here at random, without a say in the matter, that has many upset and wanting to go home."

... new lease on life in a way, a chance to start fresh.

Those words made him blink, as if startled. In a way, maybe, he was. Everyone kept saying that. Even those who didn't know... He tightened his arms around himself, shoulders drawing up.

"I... think you're right. Or that we're separated from someone who we wish were here." He looked at the Cybertronian for confirmation. "Right?"

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Failure

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