re_alignment_logs

Entry tags:

Failure

WHO: Rung, Open~
WHERE: He's wandered into Alpha Trion's Quadrant.
WHEN Sometime after the bad session with Fortress Maximus.
WHAT: He failed at the only thing he's ever truly been good at and he feels miserable because of it.
WARNINGS: N/A

Rung felt like a failure; an absolute failure in what he was supposed to be good at. He was supposed to help Fortress Maximus, do what he could because that's what his function was, and yet he'd completely fallen apart when the other had gotten upset and instead of helping he'd probably caused more harm than good. He'd lost his composure, let his emotions come through too much, and hadn't been able to keep his own haunting memories at bay.

It was everything that therapist wasn't supposed to do.

A small voice in the back of his head reminded him, as he walked along lost in thought, that the incident was still fairly fresh--recent enough that at times he could still feel the sting of the blow to his head--but a larger voice, the more stubborn one that Rung was letting have control at the moment, argued that it didn't matter. He should have been able to put it all aside and not let it get to him. He should have been able to calm Fortress Maximus down and helped him instead of freaking out.

He'd thought about retracting his offer for the time being, since he didn't feel like he was a good enough doctor to help anyone now, but he'd already made steps with several and he couldn't--wouldn't back out on them now.

But he'd never really felt more worthless in all of his existence really.

Rung had been so lost in thought that he didn't really realize where he'd ended up until he finally caught sight of a lake, the therapist's optics flickering as he slowed to a stop, staring out over the waters before finally looking around. It was very serene in a way, peaceful in a way that reminded him of what Blurr had said.

This must be Alpha Trion's quadrant.

Hesitating for a moment more, Rung's vents cycled softly as he pushed forward, heading down closer to the lake to just sit and..stew some more. Berate himself some more? Something like that...

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Starscream reached out to pat one of those shoulder joints, in what was ideally a reassuring way - he'd noticed Soundwave used physicality to calm and connect, and--well. It was sometimes effective (though that might just be because it was the friendly, compassionate Soundwave doing it).

"Yeah. You'd be understanding with a patient, right? If it were them coming to you with this. You deserve the same, too."

His engines purred pleasantly at the confirmation that Rung was still willing to look into Blurr and Vandal--he hadn't been lying about not knowing how to handle them himself--and stuttered a little at Ultra Magnus.

"Oh, him. Hey, he'd be ideal to supervise. I mean, unless this trouble patient of yours is Overlord..." Pause. "Or Megatron, but he's not here." Not bothering to disguise the naked relief at that second part.

The touch to his shoulder was unexpected but Rung didn't flinch away from it, looking at the other with a surprised flicker to his optics that softened into a sort of grateful look.

"Thank you, Starscream," he said softly, a more sincere and fond look to the smile that appeared.

Congratulations, Starscream. You've been put into a small group of individuals that Rung is truly comfortable around and considers a friend, odd as it may be.

"I wouldn't ask that of Ultra Magnus," the therapist protested, outright shivering in a way as the name Overlord was mentioned.

"Sure, no problem," He plays it off light, but his spark is doing a pleasant (or would that be relieved) little flicker of acknowledged competence.

"He likes being useful. You can tell he doesn't know what to do with himself when he's not put to work. That's a great resource, and I know you wouldn't take advantage of how manipulatable he is." Is that a word? Starscream doesn't care.

"...Look, what I said before, about coming to see you? We don't have to do that. And it's not because I don't think you can handle your workload, either."

"I know he does but this is something very minuscule on the scale of importance honestly. Normally I do not have problems like this but it was all still so sensitive this time around unfortunately," Rung murmured, feeling bad enough the Ultra Magnus had already come to check on him in the first place.

The therapist's optics flickered when Starscream spoke again and his gaze softened after a moment.

"If you need someone to talk to, I'm more than willing to listen and help if I can, Starscream. I'm not about to retract the offers I've already made."

"Right. Still downplaying it." He couldn't help but say that - honesty was kind of addictive, once he'd gotten a taste for it.

"No, it's nothing like that." He moved to assure, with every ounce of charisma he knew how to muster (which, when he wasn't being a doucherocket, was considerable), "It's just, I kind of feel better this way. --You're easy to talk to. I like it."

Wincing, Rung looked down.

"...I have a bad habit of doing that sort of thing. Sorry," he murmured, reminding himself yet again that he really needed to stop doing that sort of thing. It was just hard for him to remember that he was allowed to actually feel and recognize that some things happening to him were bad.

It was just that after years of working with others who had been through so much, his problems always just seemed so obsolete.

Rung looked briefly surprised by what the other was saying, optics focused on Starscream as he felt..took it as a compliment.

"...Well, I'm glad I'm helping you in some way then. You've been nothing but kind to me since I arrived here and I hoped I'd be able to do something for you," Rung admitted, giving the other a faint but warm smile.

"If you can't fight for yourself, you should find someone to do it for you." Starscream was clearly the king of unsolicited advice. "And if you want me to shut my trap, you can tell me that too. Promise I won't go off."

He brightened visibly at the praise, latching onto it in the obvious kind of way that a hungry dog might make a beeline for a source of food, "It's not a problem. You don't owe me anything, it's not like that."

"I would never ask anyone to put themselves in harm's way for me, I would feel too horrible," Rung said quickly, shaking his head with a quiet sort of laugh. "I've done fairly well thus far..I think I'll be alright." Minus the incident earlier with Fort Max but that was...a particular sort of instance.

He paused and looked at the other, a slightly confused gleam to his optics.

"Why..would I want you to shut your trap, as you said? I don't mind talking to you in the least, Starscream."

In fact, it was really nice.

"And I know it's not, I just wanted to be able to do something for you in return."

"Okay, if you insist." Starscream itches at a neck cable delicately, enthused by that laugh. If nothing else, he's probably given Rung more to muse on than the shame of having ceded to his own fear (something that he, as a Decepticon, was afraid of doing a lot).

"You--" He paused. He'd honestly never given someone the opportunity to tell him to stop talking and have them decline to use it. In fact, they mostly tried to use it when he hadn't given them the invitation, so this was ...new. And the Seeker was having trouble hiding his bafflement for a few seconds, trying to figure out how best to answer that.

"...well. Thanks. Lucky for you, bad taste isn't a crime."

The bafflement that the other was quite clearly caught up in was somewhat endearing, all things considered, and it helped Rung relax further, to the point that his smile was much more natural and relaxed as he shook his head a bit at the other.

"I don't see how it's bad taste to begin with but.." He trailed off briefly before shifting his position the slightest bit, getting himself comfortable again. "..So what brought you out this way, Starscream?"

He busied himself cracking his knucklejoints and avoiding optical contact until he was comfortable with it again - it only took a couple kliks.

"That's all right, I was just getting out of my room for a while. One benefit to being stuck here is that there's plenty of energon, and fly-overs relax me."

And whenever the looming notion of responsibility threatened to crush him, it was good to get a perspective above other 'bots.

"A little fresh air is always nice once in awhile, anything that helps one relax," Rung mused a bit, slowly unfolding a bit and resting his arms back behind himself as he reclined some.

A sign of just how comfortable and relaxed he was.

"Are the energon supplies really that in mass?" he asked, not really use to that sort of thing at all.

Starscream perked at the clear signs of relaxation, feeling as proud of himself as anything, and promptly rolled over - carefully - to lie on his front in lieu of reclining back against his wings. Getting them scuffed would be the worst thing, but since Rung seemed like he wanted to relax and settle in for the duration - and hadn't indicated to Starscream that he ought to leave.

"Oh, yeah, not a problem. Won't be a problem for several hundreds of thousands of years, unless I miss my guess. Were you worried? Or is it just mechs you worry about?"

It was nice to see the other relax as well, Rung smiling to himself as the seeker settled on his front.

"I suppose I was a bit worried, considering energon supplies have always been something to worry about in one way or another," he admitted, a sheepish tinge to his voice as he shrugged. "But it's nice to know that isn't something that will be a threat for quite some time."

Considering they had no idea how long they'd be on the planet.

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Failure

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Aw Starscream you so cute~

this is just a thread of cuties omg ;;

Indeed and I love it!