re_alignment_logs | the point is to never give up, never give in [OPEN]

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the point is to never give up, never give in [OPEN]

WHO: Soundwave & YOU
WHERE: Junkpile/Outside in general
WHEN Not too long after Soundwave has an accident with Wing.
WHAT: Feeling like a terrible person, Soundwave checks out early from the Medbay.
WARNINGS: Robo-angst, can't be helped.

There have been quite a few things he's felt like he's messed up with. He's been able to pick himself back up, always, because someone else needs a hand. After his face had been removed years ago by Ratchet, he still managed. When Rumble died, when Rodimus was murdered, when his face was forcefully repaired, when he got Magnum killed, when he just plain messes up he can somehow find a way.

And he will. Soundwave still will. It doesn't mean that he won't take a moment to dwell, though. He knows he's going to get back up from this somehow, but it still hurts.

Looking out into the hulls of various junk, Soundwave's perched on top of a pile. He looks down at his own hands, exhaling heavily.

"Sorry, Wing," he murmurs to himself.

Lashing out like that had been a pure accident. Just so badly timed. He hadn't meant for it.

Hadn't meant for a lot of things.

Eventually, yes, he will pick himself up and move on, but for now, he feels absolutely terrible about potentially harming someone he considers a friend.

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One of the main rules of the Medbay is that you aren't allowed to check out early from the Medbay.

And even though Ratchet feels a bit more awkward around Soundwave than he does other bots, it still stands that he oughtn't be out here with such a huge trauma so recently in his past.

"Soundwave?"

So have a somewhat frustrated medic trotting up to you from across the dunes, Dudewave.

Oh. This is not exactly within his, ah. Expectations. After all, Ratchet almost seemed just as reluctant to see him before.

But now he's sort of faced with a frustrated look and Soundwave twiddles his thumbs awkwardly

Cool. Yep.

"Heyyyy. Hey Ratchet."

Crap.

There's awkwardness about being around a patient in the medbay, then there's dragging a patient back because he's putting his health at risk. One is not the same as the other.

"I had higher expectations of you."

Ratchet has his hands planted on his hips, and he's looking quite ... disappointed. And frustrated. Mostly frustrated.

The words, the expression -- it almost makes him cringe. Soundwave is folding his arms against himself, turning his head away to keep from staring at the annoyed medic. It won't help.

"Yeah. You ain't the only one," Soundwave comments softly.

He shakes his head. "Did you see what happened? If y'did, you wouldn't want me back, Ratchet."

Ratchet cocks his head, then his expression softens. Because this isn't another mech leaving because he thinks he's had enough time. This is a bit ... more complicated.

"What I meant was that I hadn't expected you to be like the other mechs and leave before you were cleared by Barricade or I."

He sighs and rubs at his chevron.

"Honestly, I've seen worse than what happened. Wing will be fine, given some time and rest, and no more limbs were lost. All in all, I'd count this one as a win."

There's a miserable shake of his head before he takes a step forward, hesitantly looking at Ratchet. "I know I'm not, uh. 'Xactly cozy in the medbay, but."

He gestures helplessly. "Ratchet, I can't, like. Just throw a mental hissyfit every time I get a bad dream or I get spooked. It ain't usually this bad, either." But considering recent trauma, hardly a shock. "Between this an' all the mechs Prism's hurt... Poor Drift."

Soundwave knows he's responsible for Wing. He'll recover, but it didn't make it right.

"I'm not... exactly sure what you mean. Actually, I'm not exactly sure what happened in the medbay, still, just that there was some sort of psychic backlash from you that hit Wing. He'll sleep it off, but I... would appreciate if you could elucidate for me."

Because saying things to make Soundwave feel better is one thing, but shoving baseless platitudes his way is another. Ratchet wants to make sure he's not lying when he says that Soundwave can come back to the medbay without risk to anyone else.

Briefly, he hands shake. He'd told Blurr and ... that had been okay. But this isn't something he shares easily. Not something that really had ever been an issue until now, it feels like.

He's not going to have fun telling Ratchet.

"I just... I panicked." Soundwave lowers his helm. "I got wrapped up in a totally bogus, twisted nightmare." Not all of it was his, but part of it was. He can't forget Prism's mocking smile anytime soon. "I got scared, and I tried to push out mentally since that seemed to kinda work on Prism for a few seconds when I did it before. Wing was in a bad spot and got hit with it."

He exhales. "I swear, I don't... like what I can do. It's just there and I try real hard to not use it, pretend it ain't even a thing. Just bad timing. I dunno if it's too good to be around people and..."

Another thing.

"There's somethin' else. I sorta told Starscream, but..." And Blurr knows, a bit. "Somethin' Prism did. Might'a done to the others."

While Soundwave speaks, Ratchet holds himself still, focussed on listening and trying to project a sense of calm with his body language.

"What you did was understandable given what you've experienced recently, and I believe you when you say you try not to use your telepathy."

He reaches out, falters, then pushes himself to give the mech a pat on the shoulder. Soundwave was the type to take comfort from physical contact, right?

"You can tell me whatever you need to. I swear it will never go past the two of us, if that's what you want."

There's an uncertain noise that emits at Ratchet's words. If the medic believes that, then he should be able to, but he still frets. It was an accident, but what if it happens again? Worse?

He seems to settle with the hand on his shoulder, nodding once.

"...Okay." A big step now, to put his trust into Ratchet. The Autobot hasn't done him a personal wrong, but he just can't help but be wary. "Prism... when Prism had me pried open. He found my ember chamber-- sorry. Okay, embers are kinda like sparks, if that helps. A-anyway. He... welded something there. I didn't know what it was at first. I didn't think anything of it, I just wanted out and away. I keep hearing this tone. A transmission. It feels like it's just getting louder. I can probably hear it, 'cuz of what I was built to be, but it-- Prism said it's a chip. To track me. If we try to remove it, it'll explode, and HAL said that Prism might be able to use it to make me attack people."

Soundwave shrugs helplessly. "Sorry. I just... I panicked after what happened to Wing. I'm scared."

Oh that is a frown on Ratchet's face. He refrains from screaming when Soundwave reveals what Prism did, but he still makes a strangled, staticky noise. His optics have gone almost white with repressed rage.

He bites at his lipplating, vents once, twice, then huffs loudly.

"What violence I am going to inflict on Prism is less important than figuring out how to fix this chip problem. With your permission, I'd like to bring another medic or two in on this secret? First Aid, at least. He specializes in sparks, from what I remember..."

And he's also the least threatening of all the medics on the planet, which can't hurt. Because Soundwave is obviously extremely upset and Ratchet doesn't want to push him any farther into that emotional state right now.

In fact, since that minimal physical contact seems to help, Ratchet coughs awkwardly, then offers, "Would you... like a hug, Soundwave?"

Because bodily grabbing the mech out of th eblue might not be such a great idea, now that he thinks about it.

The reaction gives him pause, but he sees that it's meant for what Prism has done. Not for him. Duh, right, of course. Soundwave doesn't blame him for feeling that way. It's rare when Soundwave wants to inflict harm onto a person. Or kill them or. Something.

Sometimes exceptions happen.

"First Aid? Yeah, I'm... I'm down with that, dude," Soundwave responds softly. "He's been good."

At the offer, Soundwave looks surprised briefly before he nods slowly. "That'd be nice. Um, please." He hesitantly holds out his arms.

There are few here who are aware or willing to give him the comfort. Megatron and Wing have both been good to him, and he appreciates Ratchet's patience so much.

"Alright, I'll contact him later... But for now there are more important things to be taken care of, right?"

Ratchet leans forward and pulls Soundwave into an embrace, careful not to squeeze too tight, but still hold the other mech solidly. After a moment of hesitation, he changes the calibrations of his engine, so that its purr is a little bit more pronounced. From what he can remember of other patients long ago~~Bee~~, they had found that to be ... comforting.

"Good?"

The sound, the tone -- even the faintest vibrations are nice. With his equipment, he can listen to it and it's pleasant. Quietly, he feels terrible for being so nervous around Ratchet, but he's grateful, all the same, that he understands.

He tucks his face against Ratchet's shoulder for a moment.

"Mm-hmm," Soundwave murmurs. "Is it... okay if Megatron's there, for the operation? I dunno what yer opinion on that would be, bein' a doc and all..."

When Soundwave turns, Ratchet raises his chin and tilts his head just a bit, letting the other mech's helm fits more snugly into the crook of his neck. He only takes a moment to consider his request.

"As long as he wants to be there and follows proper decontamination protocols, I would have no problems with him being present. I'd have to ask First Aid about his preferences, but I don't foresee him having any objections either."

The other medic is even more softhearted than Ratchet is, after all.

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the point is to never give up, never give in [OPEN]

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