you were in the darkness too

[thxforthememories]

WHO: Kagerou + Shadowmaru (CLOSED)
WHERE: Wherever Shadowmaru is hiding himself.
WHEN: A few days after Kagerou's alcohol escapades.
WHAT: They need to talk. About the energon shenanigans.
WARNINGS: Drama queens. Both of them.

Everyone was urging him to do it. To go out and find Shadowmaru. He was terrified of what he'd find. His messages were still going through, so, at least, the other ninja was still here. Still present in the Haven.

Gunmax had said he'd try -- but that had been while they were both intoxicated. So who knew? Not that he didn't trust the biker bot. More he didn't trust the high grade involved. The only way to be sure was to seek out his friend himself.

Which he did.

It was fortunate they alone could sense one another. Otherwise he never would have found him.

The signal was coming from some wild, lonely place, hidden away in Vector's area. He'd only been out here a few times, taking Kay flying. Other than that, this place was unfamiliar to him. He had only the signal to really guide him, and even then, he landed a few feet from where he detected it.

Far enough away not to land on top of the other. Close enough to be detected.

"So here you are..."

Not the best way to open things. But he was nervous. Frantic, really. Hopefully it didn't come through in his voice -- he had to fight to keep it from shaking. All he wanted was for things to be all right again.

And he wasn't sure if they ever would be.

Comments

[loborobo]

Shadowmaru smiled a little, reassuring again as he leaned in to rest his forehelm against his with a soft tink. But he pulled back. It was a friendly gesture, in order to get Kageoru's attention, and to feel at ease. He hated seeing him so tense.

"I mean every word I say. You trust me, don't you?" he asked as he let him hold his hand, noting the tight hold. The self proclaimed wolf rested his other hand atop Kagerou's and vented a small sigh. He gave another squeeze to their hands. Appreciative of the physical contact.

"I'm glad you feel the same way. But, I do wish to take things slow. To take things one step at a time." He said, rather carefully. They had to talk things out. He didn't wish for another Pink Energon incident to happen again. "I'm just... relieved we are on the same page."

[thxforthememories]

Air cycled in and out of his vents, shuddering through him as he fought down a choked sound. A relieved sound. That contact... he'd missed it so much. He hadn't even had it that long, and yet he'd already become accustomed to it. Even the simple touch of hands was infinitely reassuring. His wings flicked, visibly relaxing.

Part of him still believed this could be a dream. Another hallucination.

"More than anything," he said, automatically. He didn't even have to think on that one. Trusting Shadowmaru, at the very least, was practically instinctive. He held onto the other bot's hands with both of his, in turn, still squeezing. "You know that."

Take things slow.

That was likely for the best. He didn't even know where to begin. Simply knowing there could be something there -- that all his fears were groundless -- it helped. That reassurance showed in the way his frame started to relax. In the way he actually met his friend's gaze.

The barest quirk of a smile at the edge of his mouth.

"You don't know how much of a relief that is," he agreed, quietly. "I... I wanted to tell you. Ever since I saw you again. But I didn't -- I thought it would be wrong of me."

[loborobo]

Shadowmaru shook his head and held onto his hands fondly, his own smile widening on his face. "Kagerou, you could never do anything wrong in my optics." He said softly, his gaze gentle.

"Just, bare with me with all this. It's still all so new to me--" Oh dear, his face fell into a look of confusion and worry. "W-Where do we even start? With all... this?" With this odd sensation they both felt. Sure, they had to slow down, but where were they supposed to even start? Was this too fast? Shadowmaru stared down at their hands helplessly.

"Are we alright? Where we are now?" Holding hands was a good place to start, right?

[thxforthememories]

"You were worried too," he said, shaking his head. "And you know I would never blame you..." They were oddly alike, in that uncertain aspect. Fearing they might drive away the other -- meaning so much to each other.

Once more, he shook his head, shifting nearer out of sheer habit. He never wanted to see those looks on that face. It should always be proud, he thought. "I have no idea," he admitted. "I know less than anyone, I think."

His own gaze returned to their hands, and a thumb stroked over the back of one of Shadowmaru's. Talking -- they were talking. And that was important. Kay said so. Rewind said so. Everyone he'd trusted to ask said so. Now he just had to trust their words, as he'd trusted them to keep quiet on the subject.

"We're speaking again," he said, finally. "And that's good. We have to keep talking. That's the most important thing -- talking with one another."

They'd both know what was right, then, wouldn't they?

[loborobo]

"Of course I was worried. I... I don't know what I would do without you, again, or if you were mad at me." His hands fidgeted within Kagerou's, pursing his lips tightly. But he nodded, scooting closer to his shadow, feeling more comfortable. Assuring himself that everything was alright.

"We may have to ask some people. Maybe Ratchet, or Blurr knows a thing or two about whatever this is, between us." He stared back up at him, smiling wider, brighter, his optics almost sparkling. "Whatever it is, I'm sure we'll make it work."

Shadowmaru could feel that warmth rise in his AI once again, his faceplate heating up. "Yes, we are talking with one another. I'm happy that we are. Again, I'm sorry about running away. I promise, whenever something bothers me, I'll make sure to talk to you first." He cleared his vocalizer. "I trust you more than anyone else."

[thxforthememories]

"If you could never be angry with me... the same is true of my feelings," he said, squeezing those fingers again. Constantly clinging, hoping to always stay in contact. His shoulder shifted, brushing the other bot's.

Contact. Finally. It would be all right, now. Little was more reassuring to him than that familiar contact. They could do this. Right? They were together. They were in agreement.

They had to be all right.

"Rewind," he said, firmly. He met the other's optics, and nodded. "Rewind has a partner. He gives good advice."

After all, he'd been right about all this, hadn't he?

He actually smiled, then. A real smile, soft and fragile as ever. He ducked his head, though there was nothing sorrowful or ashamed in the gesture. The tension and anxiety were rapidly fading, the longer he sat here, speaking with the other bot. The reason he existed...

"I believe you," he said. "I'll speak with you, too. I promise you." Another squeeze of his fingers. "Thank you. For listening to me. For trusting me."

[loborobo]

Shadowmaru saw a glimpse of that smile. It... made his AI soar. To see Kagerou smile like that was all he really wanted to see out of his friend. The younger unit's smile grew into a grin, sparkling. He pulled his hands away and threw his arms around him, embracing him tightly.

He felt so relieved. It was a weight off his shoulders, after so many days of avoiding the topic that had been on his back, ever since he had returned to normal. Things were normal. No. Things were far better than what they were. Even before this whole energon incident.

Shadowmaru buried his face in his neck, trying to hide his grin, a small chuckle in his throat.

"I trust you with my life and more, Kagerou." And he held onto him tighter.

[thxforthememories]

For a split second, he froze. He almost didn't believe he was really feeling this. That... after all they'd been through, all that had happened, he'd be held like this. Forgiven. It feels wonderful.

And, to know there was a feeling there. Whatever it may be. It was there, and he wasn't alone in it. He could have sobbed aloud, for how much of a relief that was. He held him tightly in return, pulling him as close as he could. As if to make up for the time lost.

"I..."

The words stuck. It still felt wrong, somehow, to say it. One hand pressed to the back of Shadowmaru's helmet, stroking lightly over the metal. When he finally got the words out, they were soft, almost reverent.

"I trust you... with my heart, Shadowmaru."

[loborobo]

"Your.... heart."

Shadowmaru almost repeated as he pulled back to look him in the optic. His AI seemed to flutter as he looked at him, after what he had said. His arms stayed wrapped around his counter part, staring at him wide eyed before he slowly grinned, leaning his forehead against his again. He chuckled as he leans against him a little.

It's what Deckerd had always told them. About having a heart. Yuuta had given them all a heart in a weird sense of the statement. But, Shadowmaru had thought that maybe Yuuta had given his own a recharge in time. The child didn't give him his heart, it was already there before he had truly met him. Kagerou had been the one to mold it. To help it grow. Yuuta simply advanced it, after Kagerou's death. That grin of his almost sparkled.

"You've been talking to Deckerd, haven't you?"

[thxforthememories]

"... Yes. Yes, my heart."

He almost laughed as he said it. There was a smile on his face, warmth in his AI. He'd never said that before. Never admitted it out loud. He didn't think it would feel good to do so. He leaned back against the other ninja's weight, his fingers playing over the other's armor.

Soaking up the contact.

He should say it to Kay, next. She'd be thrilled. In the absence of the others, of Yuuta, the girl had been instrumental. He'd never truly believed he was capable of having a heart. Not until... not until he'd felt it break.

"Not really, no," he admitted, tilting his head so that the gold plates on their head clink together. "Others. They... were very insistent." He actually laughed a little, again. "I didn't think they were right, though. Not until now."

[loborobo]

Shadowmaru smiled down at him, a since of pride filling his AI. He was proud of Kagerou. He had grown so much in his absence. In a way, he was almost envious of the others who witnessed his growth. But at least he was here. Here with his shadow. His friend.

He slowly pulled back away from Kagerou, but held onto his hand. Slowly he stared to stand and helped Kagerou up, carefully as he did so, not wanting to force him up. But his grasp is warm and fond on his hand, his gaze approving.

"I'm so proud of you Kagerou. You've grown so much. And... I still have much growing to do myself." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I just hope you're... willing to teach me. After all that has happened. And where you now stand in status here."

[thxforthememories]

That smile. That smile. It looked as if it could light up an entire world. Brighter than the sun -- more perfect than any star. And he was looking at it again. Finally -- after a literal lifetime, he was finally seeing it again.

He let himself be helped up. His hand stayed joined with Shadowmaru's, fingers stroking over the metal fingers. Things felt so much better, now. Kay and Rewind were right. Everyone was right. And the smile on his own face wasn't something he could hold back, realizing that.

"You will," he murmured, and, without thinking on it, stepped forward, his free hand touching the side of the other ninja's face. "I will -- teach you, I mean. I won't ever leave you again. We can figure this all out... together."