re_alignment_logs | Much Needed Support

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Much Needed Support

WHO: Rung, Open!
WHERE: At his office in Alpha Trion's quadrant.
WHEN A few days after the Glyphless stuff went down.
WHAT: He knows that a lot of people may need his help right now, so he's spending a lot of time at his office.
WARNINGS: Um...well..who knows what might come up?

Considering everything that had been going on, Rung had decided that he was going to put in even more time at his office than he usually did. It only seemed right, all things considered, and he wanted to be able to help anyone and everyone that needed it. Sure they could very easily just contact him over the comm but something a little more personal seemed like a good idea.

Sometimes it was more comforting to, it just depended on the individual.

He had stepped out for a bit of a break from the office scenery, even if he was extremely use to it, spending a few minutes down by the lake's edge before making his way back inside. The therapist was honestly very glad he had taken the suggestion of setting up an office here because the quadrant was nothing short of gorgeous and very therapeutic in a way. There was a calm atmosphere that would be good for his patients and he wanted to make sure his office was just as calming and comforting of an atmosphere as possible; that sort of thing had always been his main goal after all.

The therapist made his way into his office to settle in, his thoughts briefly going to a few individuals that he'd spoken to as of late--like Fort Max, Ultra Magnus, and Whirl--the latter making him wince just a bit.

Not his best approach ever...

Rung shook his head a bit, optics dimming for a moment before he nudged those thoughts aside, collecting himself as he leaned back in his seat to start organizing some new data, wanting to have everything properly sorted for everyone he spoke to, just in case.

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That understanding look was back again, Rung having been patient and just let the other take as much time as he needed to think it all over--as he always did with those he was trying to help.

"Time. Time and a lot of patience, which is usually why individuals get so frustrated with that sort of process," he replied, choosing his words carefully because he wanted to explain it as best he could. "Recovery..it's different for everyone but the initial steps are the same. We all heal at our own pace and we all come to terms with things at different speeds. You have to let yourself find the path naturally though, because trying to force yourself to heal will only lead to more problems in the long run. My advice though, is to not keep things in. Don't be afraid to say what's bothering you, haunting you, anything like that, and don't be afraid to let emotions come through even if you aren't sure why they are right away."

There would be a long time to wait, for this one. He was withdrawn, by nature. Coming here alone, asking for advice, was far out of his particular comfort zone. He was used to holding back. Used to being the shadow.

And shadows were quiet things.

"I'm a stealth prototype," he said, slowly. "I was used to the silence. To being quiet. A shadow."

He shook his head. "Letting things out wasn't what I was supposed to do. And it hasn't... helped things, here. I say the wrong thing."

"Just because that's what you were created to be, doesn't mean that's the way you always have to be, Kagerou," Rung said softly, giving the other a reassuring look. "Learning to open yourself up to others and talk to them is never easy, for anyone, but once you put it all in motion, it'll become a lot easier."

He paused, gaze softening some on the other, doing some quick thinking on the matter.

"What if we set up regular sessions then? And we could work on that--letting things out I mean. It would be a private setting and you could just get use to the idea of letting things out. And then, once you feel ready, you can let others into your private circle."

"But what else is there...?" he asked, though whether it was a real question, or if he were speaking hypothetically was hard to say. It seemed to be a question he was asking a lot, lately. "I can speak with some," he said, a little more directly. "It's simple to talk to them. But others..." He shook his head. "Nothing I say is right."

Which just made it easier not to say anything. To fall back on what he was, what he'd always been -- a shadow.

He looked up, blinking, at the offer, honestly surprised by it. "You'd do that?" he asked. It honestly hadn't occurred to him anyone would want to do anything like that. He figured he lumped his... problems... on enough robots and human beings in the Haven. "You don't have to."

An understanding look touched the therapist's face.

"You'll never know until you reach out and see what is there," he said softly, giving the other a reassuring look. "You can change the path set before you, it's just a matter of being willing to step out of your comfort zone a bit."

He sat forward a bit again and smiled softly, nodding.

"Of course I would. I don't mind at all."

"How far do you have to step?" he asked, his head still bowed. He knew the other robot was speaking... metaphorically. But all the same, the question came out before he really thought about it. Would these steps... would they change him? What if he didn't like what he became?

When Rung sat forward, he looked up, and held it. For once. Uncertainty, gratitude... a lot of things flashed over his face before he schooled his expression.

"Thank you."

"It all depends on what you find yourself facing, what you want to face I suppose is the better way to say it. You control what route your path takes, Kagerou, so it'll only be as difficult as you make it to start," Rung said softly, resisting the urge, at least for now, to reach across the desk to touch the other. He wasn't really sure how Kagerou would react to such a move.

So for now, he'd stick with words.

His expression did soften further though, a small smile appearing at that flicker of emotions, nodding to the other.

"You are very welcome, Kagerou."

"What I want. As I make it..." he repeated. It was a habit he often engaged in, repeating the words of others, as if to memorize them. Not so strange, maybe, all things considered. "So much choice. I've never had anyone say that to me, tell me... I can do whatever pleases me."

He paused. No, that wasn't exactly true, was it? Hadn't he been told to live to his heart's content? But what... made his heart content? "What do any of you do with all that choice?"

His own smile was far more hesitant, far more unsure, but if the other robot was doing so, it was probably the right thing to do.

Rung was quiet for a moment as he considered the question, a thoughtful look on his face as he glanced upwards for the time being.

"I suppose..we do what feels right. We do what draws our interest and what we dream we can do. We explore all our options to find the ones we definitely enjoy the most and then build from there," he finally spoke, nodding a bit as his gaze fell back on Kagerou. "It's like..being handed building blocks, in a sense. Your choice, your free will, allows you to try various combinations and put different things in different places to see what happens."

What feels right. That was the same thing as "living to your heart's content", wasn't it? The words were still fresh in his memory, as real and ingrained as the moment he'd heard them. He hadn't doubted Shadowmaru... but to hear them repeated, or nearly so, only enforced them.

But what made his heart "content"?

"Building blocks?" Even as he asked, he managed to picture it. At least, if it was what it sounded like. "And... if you don't like what happens?" He shook his head. "What if something is built that just feels wrong?"

Edited 2012-12-21 07:21 (UTC)

"Then you have to try something new. You can't just..erase or destroy what you built, but you can add on. You can expand on your 'creation', so to speak, and try to shape it into something else," Rung replied after giving it a little thought, having been unsure how he wanted to word it exactly.

He wanted to make sure he was making sense after all.

"It's your life, Kagerou, you have the right to do with it as you please. And while other's can alter your course, you have the full say of which way it goes at the end of the day."

It made sense. In a disheartening sort of way. What he'd done was, apparently, something he had to live with, regardless of how twisted it made him feel. The girl's life had been one thing, back home -- she'd been like all the other human beings, wouldn't have blinked if he'd been erased -- but this had been another AI. Another robot...

"I understand," he said, finally, staring at his own hands. "Just... keep trying, right?"

He didn't look up, but his expression softened a fraction, the calm front dissipating a bit. "Everyone keeps saying that," he said. "Maybe one day... it will sound more like something I'm capable of."

"Don't be hard on yourself, Kagerou. It's never easy at first and there are times when we all feel like we just can't do it," Rung said in an understanding manner, getting up finally and moving around the desk to kneel down beside the other, resting a hand on his knee.

"But you aren't in this alone, don't forget that. You have others that will support you and help you pick yourself back up if you stumble," he continued, giving the other a gentle smile. "Myself included."

"Everyone else does it so easily. They function, they live... and I struggle." So much more often than anyone else. He didn't draw away from the touch, though he did blink, surprised at it.

"Not alone, right," he repeated. His mouth twitched, the expression rueful, rather than amused or pleased. "I wasn't designed to be alone..." A nod, slow, precise. "Thank you."

"Struggles are apart of life though and we learn from them each time we come upon them," Rung replied softly. "Don't beat yourself up over not being about to do things as easily as others. We all learn and live at different paces."

He was worried about Kagerou, if he was going to be completely honest, because the other just seemed so down on himself.

"It's not a matter of design, it's because you have friends, people that care about you, that you aren't alone," the therapist countered, still with that same gentle tone.

"That... wasn't how I thought it was going to be," he admitted, studying his hands. His fingers laced together. "Life was supposed to go differently, I thought. But I always... feel as if I'm lacking. That I don't understand what I should."

He fell quiet, still looking at his hands. How did he put this...? Because design did play a part. A living robot might not understand. They were different than he was.

"I think... design has something to do with this. I know there are those who care, but..." His shoulders shrugged. "Your kind. They don't have prototypes. Do they?" he asked, quietly.

The therapist stayed quiet, giving Kagerou a chance to pull his thoughts together and speak first again. His spark ached a bit for the other, because Rung really wished he could do something more for him, make him understand that he was a lot more than he realized.

It was hard to break through those thoughts though when one was holding onto them.

"No, we don't," he confirmed, hesitating a moment before moving his hand to rest it over the other's. "Will you tell me what you are? I mean, the specifics of it?"

Making him believe he was more than what he thought he was -- more than a shadow -- was going to be a long, long process. He'd spent his entire life, however short it was, believing such a thing. Undoing that mindset was something he didn't even think was possible.

He nodded. Wing had said something similar, but having another confirm it was good, in a way. He knew he wasn't making assumptions.

"I am... a prototype stealth unit. BP-500X. Designed for the sole purpose of creating another, better model, BP-501," he recited, slowly. The last number was said with care, with something bordering on fondness. "To test him. Train him. Until he was ready to perform his function..."

He shook his head. "I am designed for nothing more than that. Meant to do nothing more than that. He is--" He stops. "--was my entire life. My reason for existing... I was made to be his shadow."

And I was happy that way.

"...So that was the only life you knew? The life you were content leading, yes?" Rung asked to clarify, gaze on the floor as he thought it all over. He fell silent, clearly thinking, not moving his hand from Kagerou's, weighing the route he could take with this.

When one had been doing something for their entire existence, it was hard to just do something else. Rung knew that quite well in fact.

But that didn't mean they had no other purpose once they no longer had that original task.

"...Have you ever thought about using your expertise to train others?"

"Yes," he said, without having to so much as think on it. "He was the one I was made to live for. And I was glad to do it. He... he is worth living for."

He couldn't bring himself to say was. As far as he'd heard, Shadowmaru was still very much alive and well. Making himself find a 'new purpose' or not, it didn't make the other ninjabot any less worthy of praise. Or dedication. Not as far as Kagerou was concerned.

Even as far away from him as he was, Shadowmaru still dominated his prototype's every thought and action. He didn't know what to do with himself, being so separated.

"Others?" he asked. "Everyone here is more experienced than I am... older. Stronger. What do I have to offer living robots like you?"

"I don't mean just the robots though, Kagerou. You can share your knowledge and expertise could help a lot of individuals," he said sincerely, not sure what the other would have to say about that since he knew a lot of larger beings weren't necessarily fond of smaller.

But there was the potential to teach a lot to the smaller beings and for them to teach the larger beings quite a bit.

"Would it?"

What else was there, but the other robots? Human beings? Why would they listen to him? Even the youngest human here had more experience with the world than he did.

"I... didn't think what I knew was worth sharing."

Rung smiled faintly.

"You'd be wrong then. All knowledge is valuable in some manner and to some individual. Never count what you know as useless before you attempt to share it, Kagerou," he replied. There had to be someone here in Haven that would benefit from what the other had to teach after all. In general, there were most likely individuals that would just love to learn, even if it wasn't something they were going to use right away.

"All of it...?"

Granted, he'd known his skills were of use to Shadowmaru. But that had been his purpose. Of course he'd been useful. It honestly didn't seem like something anyone would need.

"I didn't think there was anyone here who would want to know how to fight as I do."

"Indeed. All knowledge has value, it's just a matter of sharing it. Those you teach it to will then find the value themselves," Rung explained, not really a fighter himself but he at least understand how important it all could be.

What Kagerou knew might save another some day.

"You'll never know until you try, Kagerou."

Much Needed Support

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