re_alignment_logs

WHO: IDW Starscream and TFA Blurr

WHERE: Starscream's room

WHEN: Late afternoon/ early night

WHAT: Blurr finally accepts Starscream's offer.

WARNINGS: Sad robots?

It had been an excessively long time since Blurr had some proper rest. He barely recharges in six days but his nightmares started much after Soundwave's vivid memory was downloaded into him. The recent events only helped to make his nightmares more creative, almost impossibly to deal with.

The last hours had been even more extenuating. Cheetor refused to talk to him, he couldn't find Wing, and Blurr knew he had to talk to Ratchet too but he was afraid to face the doctor or even walk into the medbay. Just the view of an scalpel made him hurt all over.

Panic throttled his systems again and Blurr struggled to choke it down as he stopped in front of Starscream's door. Panic wouldn't help him, but his memory glitches did not make him feel less like panicking. He was shuddering again by the time he knocked at the door.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

By 'making himself available', Starscream mostly meant that he was going to line up nothing in the way of activities he couldn't break from quickly. He was writing outlines, clumsy ones, of potential unacceptable behaviors, things he thought everybody could agree on, for the law committee, should he be accepted.

The idea that he would be accepted was a joke, really.

But it was something he could set aside when the knock came at the door, and he got up and walked over to open it. Looking surprised, and then pleased, to see Blurr.

"Hey. Come in."

Blurr still felt like intruding. Seeing Starscream in person caused a sudden flood of embarrassing memories about their conversation when he was on top of the highest tower of Vector's temple. It was all vague and confusing, but Blurr knew he had made a fool of himself. The racer made a distressed sound that sounded embarrassingly like a whimper and walked in, staring at the gray floor.

"ThankyouforyourkindofferStarscream...I'm not interrupting anything, am I? I could leave if..."

"You're currently the most important thing on my list."

Wait, gentle that sentence.

"I'd like it if you stayed."

He closed the door as Blurr entered, looking at him sideways. Starscream had no training in people helping, but he had training in people reading, and Blurr was incredibly upset, obviously.

"First of all, I don't hold you accountable for anything you said or did while you were under the influence of the pages - and I'd say neither should you, but that's up to you. Secondly, I want to hear from you what happened between you and Soundwave. If you need a minute to relax, if it's hard for you to talk about, I get it."

"Careful there ^{you are} going to make me feel flattered. IF I get too comfortable here I might refuse to leave." Blurr smiled briefly, getting back some of his usual confidence. It didn't last long, his frame was back to shaking like a leaf upon hearing Starscream's words.

"I..I _{can't help myself} I feel responsible. I AM responsible." Blurr looked around, he was not sure if he would feel better sitting or standing out, since the only thing he wanted to do was to change back into car mode and hide from everyone. Starscream deserved an honest explanation and he could give him that at least.

"Soundwave and I..I told him I don't remember what happened between us and I think it's better if he still believes that Please don't tell him I know...A few days ago when we talked ^{I don't know what was our conversation about} but he decided to show me one of his memories _{I went} to meet him and he downloaded it into my processor..not just images...everything he felt..everything that was happening..."

"Oh, no, I'd have a roomie!" The horror was exaggerated, of course--and he sobered up quick as Blurr looked like that.

"I'm the one mech you can talk to about being responsible for awful things, Blurr. And I was in my right processor the whole time."

He hesitated, then walked forward to touch the nearest sloped shoulder. "Blurr, come on. I can keep a secret. But you have to be careful about lies, they're like--pets. Once you tell one you have to stay aware of it being there, and keep it in line, or it'll bite you later." And don't get him started on lying a lot, all the time, every single time. That's like a petting zoo of lies.

"Awful I KNOW." It still made him smile for a second.

Trust Starscream to remember him about all the bad things he did on his world. Blurr didn't doubt those, but it was a different time and a different world, and most likely Starscream was a different mech.

The past was the past, though, it was hard to get rid of it.

"I can keep secrets very well too Starscream I DID SO for eons at work ^{I will just} pretend this is more information ANOTHER secret to keep andthatsall." The fact that those secrets had nothing to do with his life and this one is damaging his psyche is an issue he purposely avoids bringing up. "Nice analogy, though...I wanted a pet anyway but there's no turbofoxes here."

"Secrets, yeah, when it's wartime information..."

He hesitated.

"I have no business telling you to reveal weakness. That's - if you were a Decepticon, that would be grounds to suspect I was trying to get you offlined, or something like that."

Blurr make a sour face. He knew that being a Decepticon was hard but not that they were really that harsh.

"It's the best for him YOU should have seen Soundwave's expression _{when I told} him I didn't remember."

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