Gunmax (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
engrishdetective) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
re_alignment_logs2012-10-04 01:48 pm
engrishdetective) wrote in re_alignment_logs2012-10-04 01:48 pm
happiness is just a word to me. [CLOSED]
WHO: Gunmax | open to Blurr, McCrane, Drill Boy, Wing, and Kagerou.
WHERE: From the Badlands to the Haven.
WHEN Sometime after Gunmax and everyone else attempt to find Deckerd.
WHAT: The group return from their fruitless search. Gunmax quietly loathes the human heart.
WARNINGS: A CASE OF THE FEELS.
The whispering had been obnoxious to deal with. The strange, closing sense, something dark lingering out there. How empty it all was, barren, stripped of anything... good or existing. The Calling is there, as Wing said, and he hates to think that Deckerd fell to this.
But Prima had said it was true, that Deckerd had been claimed by it. And he knows not to particularly doubt Prima, who reminds him quietly of everything he respects about Deckerd and McCrane. That certain calmness, a balance of kindness but professionalism. There wasn't any good reason to test Prima's boundaries.
So in the end, it'd been pointless to try to find Deckerd, but he had to anyway.
Gunmax, while riding on his motorcycle, thinks of Kirisaki briefly. The friendship he'd formed, the trust he placed in him, and how that'd been tarnished. He'd been determined to work alone, but Yuuta proved himself, the selflessness of the boy touching him. Deckerd equally proved himself when he didn't have to, trusting Gunmax before the feelings were returned.
Deckerd promised to not leave him, if it was in his control.
He'll have to take that at face value, no matter how hard it hurts him. How much he feels like lashing out and just living alone, because maybe. Maybe it'd be better that way.
Instead, he rides in silence, heading as far away from the Badlands as he can.
WHERE: From the Badlands to the Haven.
WHEN Sometime after Gunmax and everyone else attempt to find Deckerd.
WHAT: The group return from their fruitless search. Gunmax quietly loathes the human heart.
WARNINGS: A CASE OF THE FEELS.
The whispering had been obnoxious to deal with. The strange, closing sense, something dark lingering out there. How empty it all was, barren, stripped of anything... good or existing. The Calling is there, as Wing said, and he hates to think that Deckerd fell to this.
But Prima had said it was true, that Deckerd had been claimed by it. And he knows not to particularly doubt Prima, who reminds him quietly of everything he respects about Deckerd and McCrane. That certain calmness, a balance of kindness but professionalism. There wasn't any good reason to test Prima's boundaries.
So in the end, it'd been pointless to try to find Deckerd, but he had to anyway.
Gunmax, while riding on his motorcycle, thinks of Kirisaki briefly. The friendship he'd formed, the trust he placed in him, and how that'd been tarnished. He'd been determined to work alone, but Yuuta proved himself, the selflessness of the boy touching him. Deckerd equally proved himself when he didn't have to, trusting Gunmax before the feelings were returned.
Deckerd promised to not leave him, if it was in his control.
He'll have to take that at face value, no matter how hard it hurts him. How much he feels like lashing out and just living alone, because maybe. Maybe it'd be better that way.
Instead, he rides in silence, heading as far away from the Badlands as he can.
no subject
During the return trip however, he hugged the group, matching the ground group's pace from above, tucked in close to Kagerou.
On one hand he'd known it was likely fruitless. But on the other, the one he entertained more, he'd hoped they'd find him. It'd happened with Starscream. Why not Deckerd?
He still doesn't understand. Maybe Deckerd had been more troubled than any of them had realized. In the early days he'd seem at a loss as to what to do with himself. Wing thought the addition of the police force would help. But perhaps not?
Wing realized he'd never know. Never understand why.
It was a frightening concept. And though he'd had a secondary motive for taking this trip: the literal tempting of fate to see if any bit lingered of his dark side--for surely he'd succumb to the calling if so--the realization that they truly didn't understand the pattern of who was seized by the calling was a startling one.
Or worse, that there was no pattern at all.
Which meant anyone could be taken at any time. He shuddered at the thought. It was worse than war...there was no enemy to fight. Worse than disease...no cure to cultivate.
It makes him tuck even closer to rest of the group, as if symbolic of valuing friendships while one still could.
"Do you want to do something...to remember him?"
no subject
That wouldn't make any sense to Wing, but to him, that's where it mainly started for his friendship with the Brave Detective.
With Wing, at least, he gets that he was also Deckerd's friend. But Gunmax ... wants to lash out at something or someone irrationally, because he's tired and he's hurt and he feels abandoned in the worst possible way and he hatefully does not want to ever compare Deckerd to Kirisaki.
"I don't want to think about or feel anything," Gunmax tells him honestly. "I like having a heart, but it's being kind of a pain in the ass right now."
no subject
Gunmax was a complicated mech, one Wing was only just starting to understand. But like he was with Drift before, Wing is patient, used to mechs needing to lash out and willing to listen.
"Sometimes it seems like being numb would be easier." It probably goes without saying. But the message is clear, that at least Wing understands what it means to lose someone.
no subject
The biker folds his arms, taking a moment to pause and try to hide the tremor in his own body. Nothing, he wants to feel nothing. He hates this. The strange grinding sensation in his chassis. It's horrible.
"I'm done. I'm sick of ... of this."
It's not exactly like the way Kirisaki turned his back on him. There's a lot of differences. Deckerd's nothing like his human ex-partner, thankfully, and Deckerd didn't leave of his own free will.
And. There are other more emotional matters that he can't deal with right now. Or ever, if he has his way.
"Some robot I am, huh? Getting all worked up like this."
/throws self back into this!
It's something Wing wishes he could heal, the way medics repaired bodies. It's never that easy thoguh, so Wing will offer what comfort he can.
"Done?" It's more than a query for elaboration, it's an opening, and offering, a willing ear should Gunmax need it. "I feel like there should be more we can foot prevent these things..."
Wing can't exactly relate to the idea of being a 'robot' without emotion, but in this situation he can understand why one might think it preferable. Even if he, himself never would. "You may be a terrible robot but you're a great Gunmax. And getting worked up over something like this just shows how much you honor Deckerd's place in your life. It's fitting, even if it's painful."