re_alignment_logs | you're in my head [CLOSED]

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you're in my head [CLOSED]

WHO: Soundwave & RiD!Starscream
WHERE: The recreational center construction site.
WHEN Sometime after Vandal's breakdown.
WHAT: So, in the midst of explaining what was up with Vandal, Soundwave also had to admit he was able to read minds to Starscream. So they have a lot to talk about now.
WARNINGS: none

It always seems like after something good happens, the mood gets sullen again. He isn't sure why it always ends up like this, but it's getting to be an awful, awful habit of things around here. It's frustrating, but that's also life for you. It'll be good, then there's a kicker; rinse, repeat, and move on.

That's how it goes, and goes, and goes.

Soundwave has downloaded the information that he could from Vandal's RIG that might be able to help him better comprehend the situation with her, to better understand human biology. It isn't much data to go off of, but it's more than nothing and he'll build upon that. He has the technical knowledge to get processors, but human brains? Tad different, to put lightly.

The recreational center is mostly done. A few fine points need to be added, so for now, he's put it on hold for this. He sits, sorting through the information on a datapad with a soft exhale from his frame.

"Can't have a quiet moment..." he mumbles to himself, shaking his head. Soundwave withdraws from the datapad for a moment, picking up the golden box Blurr gave him what feels like ages ago.

He still hasn't made time to fix the poor thing.

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Before the war, there wasn't time for anything but thin smiles and hateful endurance. During the war, there wasn't time for anything but death and desperate survival.

And now after the war, when he had all the time in the world, Starscream found that none of it was any good to him unless he gave it away. Unless he actually cared enough about mechs outside himself to invest in them and receive return.

It was a concept he was still getting used to - but there were certain things that begged his attention, in between crises.

He stood in the doorway and thought a sharp hello at Soundwave.

If it worked, hey. He'd know Starscream was there. (and he wasn't exactly sold on how it did work, yet). If it didn't, he wasn't going to look stupid just from thinking a thing.

The word isn't translated, but he feels the push of something at him; it's the signal and the sound of another Cybertronian that brings his attention rather than words. Soundwave looks up quickly.

And a bit guiltily.

The morale officer folds his hands together after setting down the box, staring down at his own fingers.

"Hey," he greets softly. "I didn't... quite make that out."

Because he always tries to keep himself blocked off from others. It's not his business to know what they're up to.

"Really?" He had promised himself he wouldn't be bitter. He wouldn't sound angry--or feel angry, if it was possible. Emotion was the greatest mind-trap of all, it forced the user to panic about proper revenge for slights, to rush and hasten responses that were only half computed and malformed as a result.

Maybe Soundwave had a perfectly good reason to avoid being forthcoming about this. And he had shared a good deal voluntarily about his past and his problems, it was just.

Well.

"I was thinking it'd be a great skill to have, knowing what people are thinking. Only really useful if they don't know, so they can't start thinking surface thoughts deliberately to screen you out."

This wasn't how he wanted to engage, bitchily and passive aggressively, scared, it was the old him reacting.

"Soundwave, why did you keep that a secret from me?"

This is already off to a great start. Really, he's glad to have his plate mask on, because he would not be able to hide the way he winces from Starscream's words; with it on, at least he can shield himself in some way.

"Because... of lots of reasons," he starts off, quickly realizing how lame that sounds. "Because I was afraid of this?"

The anger, the fear.

"How d'ya think most people react when I get around to telling them what I can do?" Soundwave folds his arms and lowers his helm to look at the floor, ashamed. "They get wary. Weirded out. Scared. An' hey, I can't blame them. They'd never know if I was takin' a peek, right?"

He shrugs. "I was gonna tell you, at my own pace, Stars. When... when I was sure you wouldn't be uncomfortable 'round me. So, you know, later than this, but Vandal's situation got outta hand."

"Ever try telling them right at the beginning?" He knows the question was ridiculous almost before it gets out, and he's grabbing mentally at his anger to try to restrain it, "In that case I'm pretty glad it happened the way it did. It's about the only useful thing we got out of Vandal melting down, besides a whole lot more worry."

He stepped forward, narrowing the distance between them, looking Soundwave dead on.

"What did you hear."

"Sure. It turned out real well." Sarcasm is not something Soundwave often emits, but in this case, he can't help the bitterness. There's been no real good method of bringing it up. But he's been growing his bond with Starscream ever since they met. He didn't want it ruined. He wanted to wait.

He sort of wishes he waited longer, but Vandal needed them more.

When Starscream advances, he turns his head away sharply and takes a step back. Sure, he can't blame Starscream's anger, his bitterness. The hurt. But it's not helping either of them and it's hard to be near that. Hard to filter away.

"From you or from her?" Soundwave mutters. "Because I got nothin' on you. On Vandal..."

He exhales and shakes his head. "I never read her mind intentionally. When I got into recharge, I..." Soundwave still keeps his gaze from Starscream. "My filters are active when I'm online. 'Cuz I gotta focus on them, every second. When I'm sleepin'? Well, they ain't so active. People nearby me, if they sleep too, I dream their dreams. Vandal's slept in the back of my seat a few times, so I picked up scrap. If you're wondering if I ever took a dip in Starscream Central, that'd be a negatory, dude."

"You don't have a right to be angry at me." His wings are higher, ratcheting up, to make him look bigger. So upset and so inadvisably so, he should have waited longer. He should have let this sit for longer.

He finds it both pathetic and gravely amusing that not powering up weapons is a mature improvement. How low do you have to be to climb to that depth and think it progress?

But he listens about Vandal, about Soundwave's filters. And remembers what he said about being useless at lying, and experiences a second of pure terror that perhaps Soundwave is the greatest, most convincing con-artist and liar who ever onlined.

And then logic steps in and tells him if that were true he still wouldn't know Soundwave had this power. A con-mech of that calibre would have a story in place. He visibly calms, clamping his emotional response and dragging it down again. Persistence where finesse failed.

"...priority one is helping her, not defragging my ego protocols. If you say you haven't read me, you haven't read me. I'm a little on edge. We all are."

"That's not up for you to decide." The words are spoken calmly, carefully. "We both have equal rights to that, I think."

They both have reasons to be angry and upset. It's not that Soundwave didn't think anyone shouldn't be furious with him for having that ability. That they shouldn't be uncomfortable. Slag, he's always uncomfortable with it. He doesn't want to know what people are thinking. And people love their privacy, why shouldn't they?

And Starscream is self-contained, emotions and thoughts and all. He is careful. Soundwave respects that.

So this is a bit of a tricky matter for both of them.

"Glad t'know you still got some faith in me then." That eases some tension, at least. Soundwave turns his head back to his console. "Well. Dunno if this will help, but there's this at least. You know how we were all flippin' out, havin' no clue about human biology? Somehow, we're all fraggin' idiots and it never occurred to me that Vandal's suit had any data in it. Much less a program that'd keep track of her physical health."

He shrugs and shakes his head. "It doesn't have much on the human brain, though. Just enough for me to work with, but it doesn't even see her brain as being injured or infected. It focuses on critical health, it looks like. Which is a start, anyway. Otherwise, I'm still sortin' out what's wrong in her head. ...Honestly, I'm glad yer back for this, selfish as that might sound. I tried tellin' a few people. They didn't care or, er... they were. In a coma at the time, but someone should give a scrap 'sides me."

The words seemed to cut down on the fog of Starscream's indignation, dissipated it a little, and he moved away, abruptly, wings snapping back down lower. Trembling slightly. Soundwave was good at this, opening the field for his own distress while being careful not to invalidate Starscream's. He shook his head a little, the slightest guilt uncomfortably home on his own face. Could've handled that about ten times better. The Seeker whirred unhappily deep in his voicebox. "Slag. You--I feel like the biggest--...I'm sorry."

In the old days he could've handled it a hundred times worse--violence, definitely--but it doesn't feel right to be smug about that. Better is what he works toward, and better is what Soundwave deserves, he realizes. Wasn't he just telling him a few days earlier that he was glad he'd been given a chance? Primus, talk about oscillating. What a scraphead he is.

"Her suit? There's--oh." Starscream trotted promptly over to peer at the console himself, before promptly remembering he had no idea what to look for or how, and deflated a little. Damn. "Well I'm not going to be any help on the technical level, I've been out of that game too long to be much help with the science."

At the part about her brain, he frowns. "Do you know where her suit came from?"

Someone should give a scrap. He's trying very hard not to acknowledge just how much he's coming to care about various people, Vandal included, because really, it was only going to end in disaster, he was sure of that. Either she'd hurt herself or someone else would hurt her and it seemed like asking for a lot of pain. A lot. But like Soundwave pointed out, he wasn't alone.

"I'll do my best."

"It's okay," Soundwave assures gently. "I kinda threw it on you durin' a crisis. Important t'know, but still a lot to take in with someone you consider a friend. I don't blame you. I just... didn't wanna lose you over it."

Now, Soundwave is willing to approach the jet, reaching out carefully to rest a hand on his shoulder. The contact is pleasant for the communications expert, and he wants to assure Starscream in return. It's only fair.

In regards to Vandal, he gives a soft laugh. "It's okay. I'm jus' gonna send it on over to Ratchet an' First Aid. Maybe they can figure it out better than me. But it sounds like we got some studying to do."

At the question, he gives a half shrug. "Manufactured on Titan Station. One of the moons from Saturn. Suppose I could research more on that, but it didn't seem important."

There's a pause and then he nods. "I know y'will."

That, he has confidence in.

His wings tilt down further--this more a sign of comfort than anything, leaving the fuselage closest to his neck cables exposed. An indication, sub-processed, that he doesn't think attack is forthcoming from the touch. "...Yeah? You're not going to lose me again." Despite that it was somewhat out of his control, he still counts the Badlands problem as a loss, there.

"Okay. That's--maybe we can find something in the junk pile. Texts, anatomical studies, anything is better than nothing. And we won't be experts, but we'll at least have a better base than we do to build on."

Now he turns fully to face the red-badged Decepticon.

"I think it's important if it's not registering something wrong with her brain. Maybe it's intensifying it. If whoever tampered with her programming made the suit, or even had a hand on it. There's a reason she deteriorated like that. People don't just suddenly start seeing things that aren't there."

"Good." The words settle him a little. He isn't so sure such a promise can be made, but it's at least comforting to hear.

"It'd be a start, anyway." Soundwave exhales. "The medics got no idea what the frag they should be doin'. So, we better work our way up. Guess what I need you to do is see if you can find what you can on human biology. I'll, like, try to put it all together from there."

There's some consideration, then he shakes his head. "Her suit... RIG. Whatever you call it. It ain't hurting her, but it doesn't see her brain as damaged. But there's somethin' in there causing this... hallucination. Paranoia. The weird writing."

One of those humans from the Home Depot might be useful right about now, if only to dissect. And yes, Starscream would go there. You can take the Decepticon Army away from Starscream, but there's still more than a little Decepticon in Starscream.

"Consider it done."

The same authority he uses to answer a demand from his own people, if it were in his power to twist and manipulate.

"Can you get her to write that again? Does she remember any of it?"

"Thanks. I know I can count on you." The words are spoken warmly and with confidence. No doubt if his faceplate was not on, he'd be smiling at Starscream.

At the question, he considers it for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't think so. It's not somethin' she was consciously writing. I'd have to trigger her into that situation again. I did take on some visuals of the language, but here's what I can tell you for sure, dude."

Soundwave shakes his head. "Matches no known human language. And totally trust me on that." As a communications officer, it's his business to know. "It's... this is gonna sound weird, but it's alien. Got no other way to describe it."

And it's moments like this where he doesn't know if Soundwave is just getting his wires crossed with his Starscream, or if he's really changed. He wants to believe it's the latter, but he's never been incredibly optimistic about how other people see him. Ever.

"That could be dangerous, to set her off, I--you probably don't want to risk it." But under controlled circumstances, it could be enlightening. It could help communication and future crises.

It could do something. And Starscream, when faced with a potentially bad choice or patience, was usually wont to take the former.

"That's definitely an obstacle, if you can't translate it."

"Not in th' least. I'm not gonna bring this about in her on purpose," Soundwave mutters. He understands why Starscream would suggest it, but he himself would never allow it. Not to a friend, not even to a foe.

"Dunno where it's from. Never seen th' language before. I've got it all documented, but I don't even know where t'begin translating it." Soundwave pauses, hesitating. "...S'pose. If I asked her, I could. Try reading her mind, but I dunno. She's got enough in her head."

He certainly has no business adding to it.

"Okay, so you're saying all we can risk right now is trying to find out what a nominal human brain is like, so you have something to work off and try to get her back to. And whoever reprogrammed her like this actually knows what they're doing, and isn't here for comment."

It wouldn't be the first time Soundwave had shot down one of his bad ideas resoundingly and also saved him from a Classic Screamian Mistake.

"...look, feel free to hate me for even suggesting this, but can we put a tracking chip in her?"

"Hey, if you wanna summarize it like that, that's... pretty much where we are." Soundwave shrugs a bit helplessly. "We'll work off of what we got without compromising our integrity, dude."

He does it because he cares, Starscream. Though the suggestions may bother him to a degree, he understands why -- and sometimes thinking outside the box isn't so bad.

"Only if she's aware of it. I ain't interested in hurting more trust."

"Whatever." He was so over this integrity obstacle, it was hurting his ability to do things effectively (or that was what he told himself), and part of the irritation he'd come here with hadn't fully sloughed off, despite the problems they were facing.

"If she's aware of it and in a mood like that, she'd cut it out and it'd be more hindrance to us. --What about bugging her RIG?"

The answer just earns a bit of a helpless shrug from Soundwave; the morale officer is not going to change his ways. Though he understands a little where Starscream is coming from, he isn't going to give in. Not ever. Not to that.

"Starscream, no." Soundwave exhales and tugs a little at the ends of his headband. "I ain't doin' that to her. But... if I might be able to keep track of her RIG. It does display a serial number and a signal. It's traceable for me."

"So, better than nothing, if she runs off into the wilderness somewhere to 'protect people' from her." His shoulder struts slumped, uniformly frustrated and stymied but by no means defeated. That incredible stubbornness that lent strength to so many of his old, terrible behaviors also drove him like a whip away from throwing in the towel. Ever.

"...Are we okay? You and me, I mean."

"I could, ah... neglect t'mention that her RIG is traceable. Though she should know that herself." Soundwave shrugs. "I can whip up something so we can all keep an eye on her. The Link gets weaker the more distance you put. Hopefully, that ain't true of her RIG."

The question earns a genuinely surprised glance from Soundwave. "'Course we are. At least... you know, from my side. I ain't one to hold grudges often, an' I can't be mad with any reason you got to be upset with me."

The situation had been understandably tense. If Starscream wants to be angry, he'll let him -- after he had made sure to explain what was up, of course.

"She's a smart little organic. Probably wiser not to underestimate her, definitely."

He met Soundwave's optics levelly, then shook his head.

"I know why you did it. And barring emergencies I'd have to be glitching to let you wander around in my thoughts." He was always one to keep bridges open, even if it took a little toll money, and in this case, it involved emergencies.

"...But I don't think you're a freak or a monster."

"Humans are real good at surprising us, no matter where yer from." That much, he's found to be true.

At the assurance, Soundwave notably relaxes. With a paced move, he reaches for Starscream's hand. He's hugged him plenty, but contact is still a pleasant and calming factor for him he'll gladly gain, when possible.

"I'd never go anywhere I wasn't needed or invited to," he informs him. "An' thanks. If I could... just be me without the factor, I would, but. You know. Gotta take yourself for all that you are, with the good an' bad."

"Call it a hunch, but I think she's going to be almost exactly as much trouble as she's worth." And that odd compliment he let hang in the air for a while.

"But you are a lugnut." He added gently, squeezing that hand. The last sentence gave him pause.

"...I'd like to think people change."

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you're in my head [CLOSED]

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