It was torture.  But it was also the consequence for failure, at least if he wanted to live and keep his status intact.  And without his status, he'd likely not live much longer anyway, the lower ranks probably tearing him apart at first chance.  Best to stay on top, no matter the cost.

  But it was definitely one of the reasons –one of so very many –that he'd wanted out.

  He shook his head.  "Don't be.  In a sense, I . . . I chose that.  Not a great choice, anything else was likely to be worse, but . . . I know we got ourselves into that position.  We just . . . didn't fully realize it until it was too late.  And then what did we do?"  What could they do.  He shrugged.

  "Anyway . . . I've . . . I've chosen again.  I don't . . . I don’t have to live like that anymore.  Not here.  I can be free here."

 It'd be hard to determine if Thundercracker was merely informing Starscream of this . . . or if he's also still trying to fully convince himself.